The Problem with Perspective
“Perspective” means the ability to see from another’s point of view; to recognize another’s feelings and experiences, and to acknowledge that they might differ from our own. Perspective is an amazing quality! It requires putting aside our interests as the sole consideration. When exercising perspective, we take a moment to consider an alternative viewpoint and possibly, to alter our actions as a result. That means that you might choose not to “get your way” because another interest wins. Wow!
So what’s the problem?
Perspective adds ethics to your decision making. Once you acknowledge that another point of view has validity, then your conscience becomes involved, and suddenly it’s not all about you. That leaves room for guilt or mental discomfort – cognitive dissonance.
Having the ability to take another’s perspective doesn’t necessarily mean we do so. Some people do not choose to make perspective a part of their lives because it’s uncomfortable – it invades our happy bubble. Others do not use perspective because they are are ignorant; they don’t know how to consider another point of view, especially if the “other” isn’t verbal or isn’t choosing to communicate. And some people simply lack the maturity or social skills to make the leap.
Our desire to take another’s perspective tends to be in proportion to how closely our interests are aligned with the “other” under consideration. When the gap is wide perspective seems to go away and rationalization takes it place, which is a basic human coping mechanism. There is no guilt or mental discomfort if we never ask ourselves if what we are doing might be wrong or unkind from another’s point of view. And we like it that way! Our happy bubble remains intact.
You want your child to play football because you love football yourself. But your child is more of a chess player. The more you wanted a football player, the harder it is to accept your child’s cerebral interests. But if you don’t care that much for contact sports, then suddenly your ability to identify with your child and take their perspective gets a lot easier, because it aligns with your own point of view. Chess is awesome! Shame on those parents that push their children into football! But the parent who wants the football playing child? Exercise is awesome! It’s important to get out in the fresh air! See? Rationalization. Same situation but different points of focus. We all do it. More happy bubble!
It’s not that you’re a better person than the hardcore football parent; you just don’t care as much so perspective is easier to come by.
And dog sports? We can consider our dog’s perspective too, but we’ll have to make an effort since dogs are not verbal We have to watch their behavior for clues. I cannot count the number of times someone has said something along the lines of, “I don’t want to stop competing because he loves it so much!” Yet, nothing that I can see in the dog’s behavior supports their conclusion. Indeed, sometimes I see a dog that is bored to tears and going through the motions in a thoroughly mediocre fashion, because the handler is determined to train and compete with their dog. The dog may be getting some exercise and fresh air, but having a good time? Not so clear.
How might we keep perspective?
After your next training session or competition, ask yourself two questions:
1) Did your dog have a good time? What behaviors communicated this conclusion to you? Did you go away from your session feeling even closer than before you started? If you didn’t feel very good about your dog when you were done, why not? How often does that happen? Are you ok with that? How about your dog – is she ok with that too? And if you’ve decided that you really don’t care if your dog enjoys working (a valid possibility) – have you asked yourself how unhappy your dog can be before you will stand up and take notice?
Most of us do dog sports for fun. If you’re trying to convert your chess player into a football player and progress seem slow to non existent, then take a moment to ask yourself how far are you willing to go with this activity if your dog is an unwilling participant. The more vested you are in your point of view – your perspective – the less you’ll appreciate this question. Which is fine. Sit on it a bit. Wrestle with yourself. That’s normal. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, when all of your hard work has been wasted on an unresponsive teammate.
Or maybe not. Maybe you just need to reconsider your training plan and come up with a completely novel approach. Maybe there is a way to change the training itself to make the training or competition more worthwhile to your dog
And here’s the second question:
2) Did you really ask the first question? Take another look at you and your dog together. Ask yourself one more time – does your dog’s behavior suggest enjoyment of your dog sports? Or might you be rationalizing what you are seeing?
That’s perspective. Not ignoring the question. Not answering it without an honest evaluation of your situation. Perspective requires taking a hard look and trying to put yourself in your dog’s shoes – and allowing yourself to face the reality that you you might not like what you see.
Maybe we need to check in with our dogs regularly and make it a habit. Before trying a new training method, take a moment to think about how your dog might feel about that. Before pushing harder and harder, ask yourself….would you want to be your dog?
And if you don’t like the answer, can you come up with a plan for making it better? And if you have no solution – then what?
Today I only have questions.
Now what will you do?
