Chapter 85. Respite.
March 21, 2015
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.
~ John Lubbock, The Use Of Life
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Nothing, but everything, for as far as my eyes can see.
That’s how I would describe my surroundings right now on my spiritual journey—the path of my life I’ve become so keenly aware of since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I find myself surrounded and mesmerized by a vast open space, rich and lush in color with waving blades of golden grass that roll gently back and forth in the soft wind as if Mother Earth were gently rocking her child to sleep—a rhythm that syncopates with my own breath. In the distance, snow-capped lavender mountains encircle me while a canopy of azure blue sky lunges forth to drape my head pulling silky white strands of clouds in its wake. And it’s quiet, so deafeningly quiet. No wing in the air, nor print on the ground to be seen. I stand alone as alone can be in the midst of my surroundings and feel an overwhelming sense that I am one with everything.
My path to this oasis of peace, this ultimate realization of my truth, was not ready-made. Only by choosing to walk did I create my way. Everyone must create their own path by walking themselves; the path is not lying there and waiting. It is just like the sky: the birds fly, but they don’t leave any footprints. You cannot follow them; there is no trail left behind. Only by walking with your spirit will the path appear.
I know my journey is far from over. I must continue to walk for I hear it calling me from just outside the silence, but here I feel surrounded by love and I am at peace. I want to stand briefly in the midst of this beauty, nourish my mind and simply breathe before I push the boundaries of my soul once again.
There are times to walk and there are times to rest.
So it is on the journey with Parkinson’s as well.
The physical and mental demands on PD patients lives often scream so loudly that they drown out the beauty that surrounds them, marooning them in guilt for not being able to do more. But just as in a musical score punctuated by silence, where the pause is as much a necessary part of the overall composition, so too is rest and relaxation an integral part of allowing a Parkinson’s patient to enjoy the music of life.
There are days for me where my body says “No.” Fingers shout out picket line protests, defying to move across my keyboard, weighted down by my brains indecisiveness, while the drivers of my hands sit idly by refusing to move the mouse because the GPS in my head is temporarily down. Legs refuse to run on the treadmill because my left foot wants to roll sideways with each step and there are days where thoughts seem as distant as my youth.
But that’s ok. I’ve come to expect, and accept, there will be days like these—days that require rest. A respite. And I am at peace. Because I know on those days there is a place I can go—a place where there is nothing, but everything, for as far as my eyes can see.
More to come.
Tremors in the Universe is available in e-book, paperback and hardcover through Balboa Press @ http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000956591/Tremors-in-the-Universe.aspx or at http://www.tremorsintheuniverse.com
A portion of the authors proceeds are being donated to the National Parkinson Foundation and the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research
Tremors in the Universe Copyright © 2015 by Robert Baittie
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