LASHING OUT

I just got back from the grocery store where I bought kale and Peeps. Yes, kale and Peeps, but that is neither here nor there. The point is that I went to the grocery store. It had been a long day, and I couldn’t wait to get home. As I took the bags from the cart and put them in my car, I saw the Maybelline Volum’Express The Rocket Mascara (yep, that’s the name of it) stuck in the little place where kids sit. Any normal person would do one of three things if they saw this. They would: 1) toss the mascara in the bag and go home figuring if the store didn’t catch the mistake it was their bad, 2) go back inside and pay for it 3) pretend they didn’t see it, leave it in the cart, and go home.

I, it seems, am not a normal person. In the blink of an eye, the following went through my head complete with sound and images:

Oh, look. The mascara is stuck in the cart. . .

I didn’t pay for the mascara. . .

I am tired. . .

I don’t want to walk back to the store. . .

No one would know if I didn’t return the unpaid for mascara. . .

I would know. . .

What would happen if I didn’t return it . . .

Someone from the store would come get me. . .

No. No one would come get me. . .

I would go home because the grocery store doesn’t know where I live. . .

Eventually, I would open the mascara and use it. . .

If I did that, the cosmos would make me poke myself in the eye because I didn’t pay for the mascara. . .

If I poked myself in the eye I would probably get an infection . . .

If I got an infection I wouldn’t be able to see my computer. . .

If I couldn’t see my computer I wouldn’t be able to write. . .

If I couldn’t write, well, that would be awful because that’s what I do everyday and I would be unhappy. . .

If I was very unhappy I would be mean to my husband. . .

If I was mean to my husband he would go in the other room and ignore me. . .

If he went in the other room, it wouldn’t matter if I was wearing mascara because he couldn’t see me, and he was ignoring me, and not paying for the mascara in the first place would have gotten me nowhere. . .

Not to mention, I would feel so guilty I wouldn’t sleep a wink.

I walked back to the store and paid for the mascara. When I got home I was too tired to put it on, too upset that I had even thought of not paying for it in the first place, and my husband had to work late so there is no one here to see if my lashes are Rocket long anyway.

It can be exhausting going to the grocery store.

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This article is copyright ©  Rebecca Forster