Spinning Out of Control
Not my actual car
In the dark of early morning Wednesday, I was in the passenger seat when our car hit a patch of ice and spun out of control. I don’t remember much – a sense of horror, a glimpse of guardrail, the name of Jesus. Those are the impressions that remain of the actual crash.
I don’t remember my glasses flying off my face or the seatbelt pressing into my legs and chest enough to cause injury or hitting my knee on something (the dashboard?) to create a bruise.
Horror. Guardrail. Jesus. That’s it.
Sharper the memory of what followed.
Burning pain in my chest. Incredible cold. The dark. My husband talking with 911. He says he’s fine.
Men in turnout coats with neon green stripes. Reassurance. Hands placing me on a backboard. Panic. I was confused by the pain in my chest. I couldn’t link a cause.
Anger. Definite anger about the crash. Lost wages. Damaged car. Then, the med techs placed restraints and blocks around my head. I’m claustrophobic. Panic ratchets up. Can’t find my glasses. Can’t locate my phone. Panic and pain increasing.
Any history of heart problems? No. How was the pain? An 8, on that bump a 10, back to an 8, on that turn an 11. I really started to lose it. I can’t do this. My kids – is Rob telling them I’m fine? I am fine. They should go to school. Go to work. Drive carefully.
My parents. How to not to stress them? I’m fine. Don’t let this add to your stress. My job. A client scheduled to meet me in just 
hours. I’m not that fine. I can’t breathe and now these med techs and the hospital staff will see – I’m not fine. Fine is fading in the rearview mirror.
I’m full on panicked. I am totally losing it panicked. Like a second phase spin out strapped to a back board with my head immobilized I can’t breathe from my chest burning panicked. A new sense of horror, will there be an emotional guardrail or am I going to mentally derail? Jesus. Not a prayer, just a name. Jesus.
Where is Jesus when things spin out of control?
I think His name. Speak His name to my mind. It doesn’t work as a sedative. I’m still claustrophobic. Still over my stress threshold. Still crying and losing it when we reach the ER. Yes, yes, I would like whatever meds you have to offer. Yes, I am having a panic attack. Yes, the pain and bruising from the seatbelt injury are real – so is the stress, the cost, the aftermath.
Thinking about it today as I wade through headlines about kidnapped Christians and the factors in my own life, it occurs to me that there is a giant patch of ice lying ahead for Western Christians who have created a theology based on control. Some of you know immediately what I mean.
I’ve believed it. It’s what I heard at Christian college. Follow Jesus. Obey the Bible. Make Godly choices. And if you do . . . the implication is that life will work out, blessings will follow, dreams will come true, and Jesus will always be there for you.
And that’s true but it isn’t the whole truth.
Because, there comes a moment when life spins out of control.
In a bad moment, you make a wrong choice. Or maybe it’s the loved one who hits the ice patch but you’re in the passenger seat of that loved one’s life, spinning out beside them because they tried drugs, rejected Jesus, gambled until they lost it all, cheated on their spouse, or faced a tragedy not of their making.
Maybe you or your loved one made good choices – to serve the Lord on the mission field or the inner city or a small town parish and tragedy still hit – they were raped, kidnapped, subjected to lies over a foolish congregational conflict, fired because they wouldn’t play a game of the world.
I think about Kayla Mueller’s letter home telling her family her biggest regret is that they are suffering, too, because she had found that Jesus was there with her. In the suffering, in the spin, there was Jesus.
The whole truth is that Jesus is there in the midst of the spin – when life is out of control and even when we are out of control. The moment I started to lose the panic yesterday was when I turned into the spin. I stopped trying to control the moment and my response. I let myself freak out. It’s the same advice we give drivers in the snow here in New England – don’t fight the spin. Turn into it.
It is right and good to love Jesus, follow Him, obey Him, trust His word, and make godly choices. But, if your entire theology is 
based on those things bringing about a right and safe result, if your theology is one of control, you’re headed for a full-on spin out when the icy patch of persecution arrives on our shores.
The Christians kidnapped by ISIS have lost all earthly control over their lives. They can, perhaps, manage their responses, but if they are tortured, maybe not even that. Still, I believe, like Kayla testified, they’ll find that Jesus is present in the spin.
Paul writes in 2 Timothy 2:13, “If we are faithless, he remains faithful – for he cannot deny himself.” I was not full of faith yesterday; I was full of panic but Jesus remained present with me. He was more real than the guardrail and in the midst of the panic, I knew He would be my spiritual guardrail no matter how I reacted in the midst of the spin.
We have every reason to trust Jesus. In the days to come, when the world goes into a full on spin, our theology will expand and will we see that even when we lose control, Jesus is there.
If these post are an encouragement to you, please consider forwarding them to friends through email or social media. Let them know what the blog is about by sending them the link to the I’m In page or the Disturber of Hobbits page. And please let me know if there are topics you’d like to see addressed in an upcoming post by reaching out through the Contact Me page!
Spinning Out of Control – http://t.co/ScqAHZnoBn Where is God in the midst of the spin? #amwriting #amwritingfaith #ISIS #persecutedchurch
— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) February 26, 2015
**BTW, I’m fine. I have bruising and pain from a seatbelt injury but I’m home resting and icing my wounds (ice, of all things, right? That’s what caused the injury in the first place!) The car is drive-able for now. Rob is, actually, fine.
