A Letter from DC Residents to Jason Chaffetz (R-DC)

Representative Jason Chaffetz of Utah threatened DC’s elected officials with jail if they legalize marijuana. Apparently, he thinks he's my congressional representative, which is odd because I live District of Columbia. I tried to contact him, but he only allows emails from his Utah constituents. But, if he can pretend to be our Representative, we can pretend to live in Utah.
If you are a DC resident, click here to email Representative Chaffetz – feel free to copy and paste the letter below . You’ll need a Utah address and zip code. I suggest something like: 191 S. Main St, Moab, UT, 84532 2503.    
Representative Chaffetz:
Forgive me if I entered the incorrect address on this form, but your recent attempts to subvert the will of the voters of the District of Columbia confused me. I thought I lived in the District, but since you seem to be my Representative, I must live in Utah, and so you see my dilemma.
My confusion is magnified by the amount of brainpower I am exerting reconciling your stated belief in individual liberty with your desire to deprive the people of the District of it.
I understand that you are upset that the District legalized marijuana, but subverting our electoral will and threatening our elected leaders with arrest is neither becoming nor necessary. Let me propose a simpler solution: Don't smoke it. This isn't' difficult. For example, I don't get baptized when I go to Utah, and you needn't smoke marijuana when you come to the District.
Since not one single resident of the District of Columbia voted for you, please reconsider your desire to legislate for us.