Know yourself.

What do you do if you want to improve yourself as a person?

When I had this thought I realised I really did not know my self. As a book I was reading suggested that the first thing to do was work on your weakness and that would give the best result.

I found it quite hard to take an objective view of my self.

Did I really pick the biggest piece of chocolate or step back and put off things that should be done.
Under pressure would I go silent and sulk and even cut of my nose to spite my face.

It was cold and the wind pummelled my back the words of my father in his anger echoed in my head. Through my silent tears I looked down from the edge of the roof to the corrugated curved top of the garden shed twenty feet below and away from the side of the house. It was dusk and fine spots of rain began to soak in to my thin shirt.
Then the persistent voice in my head started “Do it, do it.” The reasoning part of my brain said “you could hurt yourself.” The persistent voice returned “Are you a coward ? Do it and if you get hurt it will be their fault. That will make them sorry.”
I stayed for a long time with my heart pounding and icy cold streaks of sweat down my back.
I was crouching on the edge of the roof and my leg muscles aching. I felt the surge of the wind behind in time with the persistent voice “do it.” I swayed over the gaping space before the solid concrete pathway far below. The light had gone and I could hardly see the shed roof.
I herd my mothers voice from inside the house calling “Where are you, tea is ready?”

It was not until after several years and some instants of teenage stupidity that I found a way of reasoning with my self and consider the consequences of my action.