Chapter 76. Wake up.
November 22, 2014
Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn. ~Mahatma Gandhi
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It starts somewhere deep inside me. Where exactly I’m unsure. The process of awakening—coming out of a nights slumber. I can’t quite put my finger on how it happens or what triggers it, but it’s as if there is a night watchmen inside the theater of my mind, whose job, besides maintaining the movie projector of my dreams, is also responsible for turning on the light in my brain once the late night feature has ended. The thing is, ever since Parkinson’s took over ownership of the cinema, he’s been working a much shorter shift.
The first thing I’m consciously aware of is that the adhesive holding my eyelids together, burns ever so slightly as I first start to pull them apart. What is that? When did the Sandman lose the account and get replaced by the 3M adhesive and Heinz vinegar guys?
5:18 a.m.
That’s what the clock says. But I know that’s not the real time. The real time? 4:18 a.m. You see, when the time change came this year—when you’re supposed to turn your clocks back one hour—Spring forward, Fall back—I neglected to do that. So my clock is still on the old time. It drives my wife crazy, but I love it because it forces me to do math immediately upon awakening. There’s no snooze bar once you’ve solved an equation.
So here I sit at 4:37 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Yes, a SATURDAY morning! Who’s up that early on Saturday? My kid’s are still a day away from waking up. Birds aren’t even up.
But you know what? I love it. It’s quiet. It is SO quiet.
Though my eyes are no longer closed, I’m still in the darkness—yet I can see. It’s a darkness that surprisingly doesn’t leave me blind. I can easily find my way. The darkness actually enhances the ability for me to be alone with myself and my thoughts. The rest of my outside world is still asleep and as such it makes it easier for me to be more aware of myself. There aren’t all the distractions of life. I’m conscious now but meditative at the same time. It’s the best of both worlds. There’s a wonderful joy I feel inside as the slow transition happens from darkness to light. If you REALLY pay attention there is a subtlety that is truly magical. It’s my opportunity to meet the new day and all its promise.
A spiritual awakening happens much the same way. It is allowing yourself to come out of the slumber of your life, but it starts with a willingness to sit in the darkness. By making the conscious choice to look within yourself and discover your true being—finding an acceptance of who and what you are—you will slowly be awakened by a growing light within you. Much like the rising sun on a new day. As we become more aware of ourselves, the light inside us continues to grow brighter and we begin to see our lives more clearly—our vision dramatically improves. With each journey into and through the darkness, comes a feeling of bliss as you become more enlightened. For myself, this elicited a feeling of, This is fun! But what I quickly came to understand was, that this was an energy gathering opportunity to dive deeper into the well of darkness. With each success you want to go further. With each challenge you conquer, you grow even braver.
What it means is, the darkness is not something to be dispelled. Returning to it over and over like sleep in the night offers us opportunity for even greater growth. With each moment we enter the darkness to discover ourselves we shine more and more light on personal understanding and acceptance until eventually the darkness melts away.
The irony is that in spiritually awakening yourself, you must learn to simultaneously embrace the light along with the dark. The two go hand in hand and are actually happening all the time together, although one usually tends to get more focus than the other. In the beginning the tendency is to focus on facing the darkness while still maintaining some hold on old beliefs and fears, but eventually one finds they can make the choice to embrace standing in their own light because they no longer have such a strong attachment to their old unhealthy attitudes that caused them so much unhappiness.
According to the National Parkinson Foundation, sleep problems are a fact of life for nearly 80 percent of all Parkinson’s patients—a small comfort to me when I am sitting at my computer at 4:30 in the morning. But what does offer me comfort is that my having Parkinson’s, in a roundabout way, forced me to learn how to see in the darkness. It has given me the chance to wake up and discover how to enjoy each and every day to its fullest. Parkinson’s was the catalyst that made me look inside myself—sit in the darkness—and discover a light. A light that keeps growing brighter and brighter inside me. I have to be grateful.
Don’t wait for a catalyst in your life. Take the opportunity now.
Wake up.
More to come.
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Tremors in the Universe
by Robert Lyman Baittie
Giveaway ends December 23, 2014.
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Tremors in the Universe is available in e-book, paperback and hardcover through Balboa Press @ http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000956591/Tremors-in-the-Universe.aspx or at http://www.tremorsintheuniverse.com
A portion of the authors proceeds are being donated to the National Parkinson Foundation and the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research
Tremors in the Universe Copyright © 2014 by Robert Baittie
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