The Cough of the Whoop

So I’ve been kinda laying low these days, as it seems my life is just one rain storm after the next. I’m beginning to think I have been given my own personal rain cloud to walk under.  Oh well, life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain, right?! So, with my whooping cough that has been plaguing my life for going on six weeks now, I am going to, yet again, try to find some good in it.

First, let me tell you a little about it. After I recovered from my broken back (and gallivanting around Mexico with it =) ) I was given this wonderful little cough of whooping.  It is the most terrible cough that you can think of and then times that by pi.  It feels like you are using every muscle in your body to cough your guts out and still not quelling the cough at all.  I have been reduced to throwing up every day because this wonderful little delight they call pertussis. For a while I’ll be fine, and then a tickle at the back of my throat bids a fit of coughing out of me that is likened to be a cough from Satan himself, (if you believe in him that is, I didn’t but after this cough it might just be true ;) ) As I am heaved into a bout of coughing that uses every muscle down to the tips of my toes, a red hot feeling of poison crawls down my throat and steals my very breath away.  As I am still coughing, I gasp for air and make the “whoop” sound the cough is infamous for. When the fit ebbs, I am either left with throwing up or, providing that I haven’t heaved up my stomach’s contents, watery eyes and broken breath.  Yeah, it’s that wonderful! So, I haven’t had the desire to do anything other than sit on my couch, as the residents of Larimer County are sure to think I have some sort of plague the way that the cough sounds. Sounds awesome, doesn’t it!?

So, I have to come up with some good that comes out of being robbed an entire summer right? Here is five things I have come up with:

One: Maybe there was a team of bandits loose in the city on one of the days that my cough held me hostage in my own house.  Maybe I would have to have given up my identity as a super hero to save the good people of Fort Collins and then I would be out of the proverbial super hero’s closet.  There is never a good day for that, as the job of being the town’s super hero is very demanding and I’ve my own things going on right now!

Two: Maybe there was one too many old grannies on the road on one day and I would have been rear-ended by a little old lady who was too senile to see that I was stopping. And as I don’t usually like to bust out my ninja skills on old grannies, (I save those for bad guys!) I would have to refrain from stomping little old ladies and refraining from using one’s ninja skills is never a fun day!

Three: One day there might have been a rabid dog loose on my block and instead of a peaceful little walk with my son to the park it would have been turned to being attacked by said dog and having left my sword at home—cause who takes their swords to parks?!—and having to be the hero, I would have had to wrestle said dog to the death and mess up my brand new dress, and possibly even being bitten by him! Again, never a good day for that!

Four: There could have been a day when an evil villain started terrorizing the city. I would have to had grabbed my wand—cause I always have that on me—and challenged him to a duel of the magic kind.  Now, there is always a good day for defeating a foe, the problem is I would’ve had to have shown the good people of Fort Collins that I am magic and I’m just not ready for that kind of celebrity yet!

And Five: The torrential rain that has been inundating our beautiful city might have caused some flooding, leaving people stranded.  One of the days I was in I could have been out for a mountain drive and spotted some people stranded.  I would’ve had to have bust out my wings and whisk them to safety.  Now, there is always a good day for that, it is just I would have revealed the fact that I have magic wings and again, the celebrity that comes with that would just be too much for me right now! I have a very demanding job of running my household, not to mention my son and I started school again next month.

So, that is the reason I have been given the Cough of the Whoop. So I can remain a normal person and not have to reveal my abilities and secret jobs and skills. While the cough is one of the worst things I have gone through, I have to thank it because I can still live a normal, un-famous life! Thanks whooping cough!

All joking aside, do not get Pertussis. Not. Ever.

That is all.

©Devon