Hawaii with a gag ball

As I prepare to travel to Hawaii this weekend with my wonderful man, D.J. Manly and my niece and goddaughter, Eleanna, I am mindful of the fact that at the age of 14 I am lucky she still wants to gang out with me. She also, of course, adores D.J. We have grand plans and she is a wonderful girl. I can't wait to be on my way to Honolulu with her.

She is the daughter of my very best friends, my cousin Chris, and his husband, Tracy. They are wonderful parents and they trust us completely but ever since the countdown began, Tracy has driven me crazy with last minute panic attacks.

"A.J., if it rains in Honolulu (which it does, every five minutes) perhaps you should consider taking the tiki trolley instead of driving."

Another text, "A.J., bring over your cell phone. I want to have Lojack installed on it."

It goes on and on. Yesterday, I called his husband who has been busy stocking up on sex toys and champagne for their kid-free week. I asked him if the treasure trove included a gag ball.

"A.J.," he said, "Try living with the guy. He woke me up at 4am to ask if we couldn't have her microchipped."

I know they trust me, and anyone who knows me knows that I would never let anyone near her. Her very first teenage crush was traumatized by a family barbecue with me, Chris and Tracy, but still…I had a sudden flashback to an experience I'd long forgotten. I was four years old and growing up in Bondi Beach, Australia. My mum took me and my brother Alex shopping. I apparently had ants in my pants because I ran in and out of stores like a demented flea. She bought a harness and put it on me.

A harness!

I actually have a memory of that thing. I remember straining against it. I do remember also, being very embarrassed.

In total frustration and as a joke I sent the picture below to Tracy. I texted, maybe I should buy her one of these?

He wrote back, What sizes do they come in?

I'm not sure he was joking. I do know, however, my little contribution to their weeklong fun will be an industrial strength gag ball.

How about all my friends and readers who have kids…would you trust a good friend with your precious cargo? Leave a comment and the best one wins a free ebook from me!

Aloha oe,

A.J.