We all deserve to be happy

Instead of writing my own blog this month, I’ve asked my friend
Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.,  to present an excerpt from her book,
Color Your Life: Create the Success, Abundance, and Inner Joy You Deserve(2nd
edition), which I am editing. As I read along, correcting spelling and
punctuation, I keep telling myself, This is a really good book! Flora’s
telling us things we need to know.

Why? Well, just pay attention to the news. It seems more and more that
we’re living in a dystopia, that our world is coming closer to the world
of perpetual war described by George Orwell in his novel

1984 . This is the world where “Big Brother is watching you” all
the time and where the government has invented a language called Newspeak,
in which nothing means what the words seem to say. I believe that maybe
we can work individually to, first, act to make ourselves happier and improve
our own lives and, second, to aim at creating a critical mass that can
save the planet. This is precisely why I love Flora’s book. She says we
all deserve to be happy. She’s correct.




I met Flora via a referral, and then I met her in person at a writers
club meeting. Turns out, we both grew up in St. Louis, which led to a long
email conversation about the
Veiled Prophet Parade  and other things we both remember from
the good ol’ days. Now we live about an hour down the freeway from each
other. She was a college teacher for many years and co-authored language
arts textbooks and academic articles while raising four children. After
she retired, she started blogging and writing self-help and motivational
books.




Here’s what Flora writes in Chapter 1 of
Color Your Life:




Happiness has been described in many ways in literature and research:
being satisfied with life, being content, and being engaged in fulfilling
activities. Happiness is an emotion of inner joy, contentment, and a feeling
of well-being. Researchers seem to agree that happy people tend to see
the positive sides of things, even in pain and tragedy. They see opportunities
rather than problems. They make choices that lead to doing what they enjoy,
often find pleasure in simple things, and believe in a power greater than
themselves. They have close relationships and express gratitude for their
lives.




Ladies and Gentlemen—I present the wisdom of my friend, Dr. Flora Brown.




Discontent Can Be Your Savior




The moment you realize you’re not satisfied with a situation, person,
job, location, or even yourself, your mind gets to work—processing ways
to get out, over, or around it. If you don’t heed the solutions that bubble
to the surface, then your discontent will only grow.




A common habit and often our default reaction when things don’t go our
way is to reenact the situation over and over in our heads. We then call,
email, or text our friends reliving the wrong, and maligning the perpetrator.
These reactions may give temporary relief, but they are not helpful in
the long run.




After you get past the initial upset, help yourself in two ways. First,
ask yourself what lesson did you learn from the experience. Second, ask
yourself how did you benefit from the experience.




You’ll be surprised how your answers put your upset in perspective, build
your confidence, and prepare you for the future. No one wants to invite
trouble or discontent, but being prepared for handling upset is smart for
the same reasons you carry a spare tire, buy insurance, and/or learn CPR.




Left to fester, your discontent can lodge itself in your body and mind
with the potential to move from sadness to hopelessness and even physical
illness. All of us experience some sadness, but when sadness persists,
it can become depression, which is a chronic medical condition that most
people do not just snap out of without help. Depression brings on physical
and chemical changes in the body, causing sufferers to lose interest in
life. Depression makes it difficult to manage daily tasks. If this sounds
like you or someone you love, seek professional help immediately.




If you have a friend or loved one who is suffering from prolonged sadness
or been victim of trauma, please resist the urge to comfort them by saying
any of the following useless sentences:


     I know how you feel.


     Stop feeling sorry for yourself.


     Snap out of it.


     It’s God’s will.


     Maybe God is punishing you.


     Don’t worry; the sun will come out tomorrow.


     There’s someone worse off than you.




Well-meaning though these clichés are, they can be more harmful than comforting.
The best comfort you can offer is listening and being present. When appropriate,
encourage simple actions, such as completing one small manageable task
each day or getting out in the sunshine and moving the body by walking.
In addition to seeking professional help for yourself or someone else,
consider joining or suggesting a support group. Begin the search for support
groups. http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go...




If you let your discontent spur you to positive action, it becomes your
savior. You will no longer need advice or permission to do everything.
You will no longer wonder whether the thing you need to do is the right
thing to do. You will just know that it’s time and it’s the right thing
to do. You will know, at the deepest level, what you need to do. And you
will know that you will be okay.




You may decide to act quickly—just as you would jump to safety out of
the path of an oncoming truck. Or you may decide to act carefully and deliberately,
as if neatly packing for a very long trip. There is no right or wrong way
to act when you make this change. As long as your actions for change are
positive, do no harm to others, and are in harmony with the universe, then
your success is assured.




In your search for happiness, look inside yourself. Here are some ways
to start:


     1. Get quiet. It doesn’t matter whether you choose
meditation, yoga, prayer, or just sit still. Choose what feels comfortable
and natural for you.


     2. Try to remember some meaningful activities
or accomplishments in your life and then focus on things you really enjoyed
doing. Maybe it was building model cars, making a surfboard, speaking to
your son’s Boy Scout troop, or trying new recipes. It doesn’t matter what
it was. Only you know what made you feel good about yourself and gave you
joy—not only while you were doing them, but even now as you remember them.
They may be things you haven’t done since childhood or youth. Write down
as many as you can.


     3. Make a plan to do at least one of these things
as soon as possible. Plan it, put it on your calendar, treat it with the
same importance as you would any other appointment. Don’t let anyone talk
you out of it. And don’t stand yourself up for this appointment.


     4. Before the event, think about how much fun
you’ll have. Visualize yourself smiling, laughing, and enjoying the event.


     5. After the event, share with a friend how much
fun you had. Describe the activity in full.


     6. Savor the memory. Take pictures or journal
about the event.


     7. Repeat the process with another activity.




At this point, I must issue another warning




Don’t postpone doing what you enjoy in hopes of finding someone to participate
with you. If you can’t locate companions who share your interests, then
go alone. Depending on the activity, you may find others already there
who are alone, too.


Before I discovered a theater-going group, for example, if I couldn’t
find a companion, I attended the theater alone. During intermission, I’d
always find someone to chat with before we scurried back to our seats.
I go to the movies alone if I can’t find a friend or relative to join me.
Why should I miss a movie because it’s not convenient or interesting to
someone else?




When I decided to tour Italy, I signed up with a tour group. I had never
used this tour service, but the timing and price were right, so I flew
to Rome alone and met up with the group there. Three ladies were also traveling
alone in the group of forty. We became good companions and everyone had
a great time.


When you view discontent or upset as a signal that something in your life
needs adjustment, you can take positive action and make a commitment to
create your happiness.




Once you set out to be happy, only you can decide what will make up your
personal happiness.