Infidelity- The Exception or The Rule? - Guest Post by Author, Patricia Mann

In my book, The Man Test, Dr. Marin Johns tries to prove that all men are liars and cheaters. And nobody likes a cheater, right?

Fellow author, Patricia Mann covers the same topic in her debut novel, Is This All These Is? When I asked her about her thoughts on the topic, this is what she had to say . . .

I remember being at a pool party with a group of moms and kids one summer when my boys were young. Somehow the subject of cheating came up. One woman announced that she would immediately leave her husband if he so much as kissed another woman. I couldn’t believe she would tear her family apart over a kiss. Another woman laughed and confessed that she had kissed a coworker in her office just the week before. She didn’t feel bad about it at all, saying, “the guy’s a hottie and my husband doesn’t pay any attention to me anymore.”

 I listened intently as the debate raged on. You see, I’m a little obsessed with infidelity. My debut novel is about a wife, mother and professor who’s tempted to have an affair with a former student. And I just finished the sequel. Unlike most unfaithful characters we find in literature, I wanted my protagonist to be a likeable and relatable person. The cheater is usually presented to us as a heartless monster, right? But what if that’s not always the case? What if the truth is that most perfectly decent, upstanding citizens actually engage in this behavior at some point in their lives?

The main reason this subject fascinates me is because it’s personal. I can’t say all I’d like to say on that, because there are people I want to protect. A lot of people. What I can say is that in almost every long-term marriage or committed relationship I’ve seen in my life, one or both partners have strayed. These are people I love dearly, people who I adore and look up to, who I think the world of, and who were also unfaithful to a partner at some point. To err is human, is it not?

Because I write novels and blog posts about infidelity, I’m constantly looking up statistics on the subject. I don’t trust some of them because I can’t imagine that many people are honest on the subject. I think the numbers are higher than the studies suggest. Just now, I found an interesting new question that anonymous study participants were asked and the responses surprised even me, jaded as I am! Roughly 75% of men and women admitted that they would cheat if they could get away with it, if they were assured their partner would never find out. Wow, 75%. How much worse is doing it than saying you would do it if you could?

 I want to thank Amanda Aksel for two things.
1. I’m so grateful that you invited me to be a guest blogger on your website!
2. I really appreciate that you shared Dan Savage’s brief video, Why Monogamy is Ridiculous, with me.

I wish everyone would watch it and at least consider his way of looking at the subject. The entire video is less than 3 minutes and is definitely worth checking out.

This paradigm busting statement was my favorite: “If you’re with somebody 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times, they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous.” And the following point pretty much sums up how I feel on the subject and why I write about infidelity: “I’m conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriage and long term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.” Thanks again, Amanda!

Author Bio:
Patricia Mann is a university professor. She teaches communication studies courses. Patricia lives in California with her husband, their two kids, and a sweet, silly old dog.

Author Website: http://www.patriciamann.me

Buy Links for the book: Amazon
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Where do you stand on long term monogamy? Share your comments below or on Facebook or Twitter using the links below! I can't wait to hear from you!

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