Invicta Watches: Lowering the Average I.Q. of Humanity One Watch at a Time

Huh?

Poking around on Amazon.com, I got sidetracked browsing some truly
horrid-looking watches, and came across the most meaningless marketing fluff
I've ever seen, for any product, anywhere.

The “product
description” has four beefy sentences barely able to contain all 576
words, yet not weighted down by even the slightest actual fact or hint of
useful information:

Product Description

Covert operations are revealed as Invicta's stealth Coalition Forces Collection steps into the fore.

Conditioned to handle the most sophisticated of endeavors, the Coalition Forces are at the ready, available for the day-to-day maneuvers to come.

Strategically prepared for all operatives, this technically deft collection is crafted with Swiss movements and emboldened with the attributes of true leadership.

Invicta's Coalition Forces Collection reaches the front line with the command, range and tactics for decisive action, turning time into a multi-faceted vision quest.

A vision quest indeed. Not knowing ahead of time what this was “describing”, I think many would be hard pressed to realize it's
supposed to be about a watch. “Swiss movements” is
perhaps a good hint, but it could just as easily
get lost in the context of their testosterone-driven direct-to-cable
military theme.

If you did realize it's about a watch, you'd
be forgiven if you thought “Swiss
movements” was a
relevant fact that had somehow slipped in, but no, it's a quartz (battery/electronic) watch.

I guess this all follows the old saying: “If you can't say something nice, make up a bunch of irrelevant, meaningless crap.” Or something like that. It's
so much worse than the Nikon D4 Marketing Fluff
I wrote about a couple
of years ago.

Anyway, I have such “compensation issues” that I would have bought one just to associate myself with its virile product description, but alas,
it's not eligible for Amazon Prime, and I don't buy things that aren't eligible for Amazon Prime.

(In seriousness, who on earth writes this kind of crap, and more importantly, who on earth is actually swayed by it?)

I still don't know what the “(No Straps)” in the product title refers to. Maybe it's a typo for “(No Facts)”?