Join Me for a Literary Death Match!

Patriot Act Tour de France Poetry Primer

Join Me for a Literary Death Match!

I was never much of a Rocky fan. That was my older sister’s gig in the ‘70s; as a teenager she loved that movie, and Sylvester Stallone, so much that all I had to was croak, “Adrian!” and stumble into the walls of the hallway between our bedrooms to work her into a rage. Annoying little sister: job DONE, and efficiently.

But right now I feel like I should have paid more attention to the classic underdog saga, and I definitely need my own Burgess Meredith. Because I’ve been invited to participate in Oakland’s inaugural “Literary Death Match” on July 30 at the Shadow Ultra Lounge. Here’s how it works: four writers get seven minutes to wow the audience and three judges with their wit and literary finesse. After providing very public critiques, the judges choose two of those writers to advance to a final decisive round that’s a bit of a free for all: think “Pin the Mustache on Ernest Hemingway” or “Spell the Complicated Author Name.”

LDM was created back in 2006 by Adrian Todd Zuniga and now is a regular occurrence all over the globe, with shows in London, LA, Seattle, NYC, and Portland ME scheduled in the coming weeks – so if you’re not in the Bay Area, you should still check it out…

My opponents in Oakland? Oh, just a Caldecott Award winner, a seasoned performance poet, and the scariest of all: To Be Announced. Will Ferrell? David Sedaris? Miley? It’s terrifying to think of the possibilities.

Over the next few weeks, if you see me jogging around town in some grey sweats and Chuckie T high tops, or sledge hammering shit in a junkyard, or jumping in the air with my arms raised, all the while silently mouthing what looks like it might be an essay about a recent encounter between my car and a redwood tree, you’ll know what I’m doing.

Getting karmic payback for all the times I teased my sister.

I’d love it if you’d come out and be my corner man/men/women/womyn. You can order your tickets here – the events sell out so get crackin’ and let me know so I can look for your friendly face in the audience!

Rather than the Rocky Theme song I’m going with Eye of the Tiger. Why? Because my teenage daughter swears she loves this song. I think she is messing with me. This is what passes for rebellion in the house of the Alternative Music fan who has become a parent to teenagers.