My thunder is stolen and I’m okay with that
I had this really elaborate post planned to write about the whole #YesAllWomen thing. Because it’s an important topic, one that I’ve discussed with my children more than once this week. I needed to get the words out.
And the first time I came to write the post, I ended up not, because I found this post by Chuck Wendig far more encompassing of my own damn feelings than anything I could have written. So I left it at that, but things were still bubbling up in me. I have things I want to say, but I don’t feel like I need to because there’s 8 billion other people on the internet saying the things I wanted to say.
And then I see Chuck wrote this post about the MRA, and again, he’s encompassed everything I wanted to say, in such a fucking rockstar sort of way that I’m blown to pieces.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this, about the way society is, and the way I see things. And I realized that I’m guilty of marginalizing my own harassments, because that’s the way it’s done. We’re so fucking used to being on guard we don’t even realize that we do it. Hell, when I walk down the street and get catcalled, it’s happening then, because it only happens when I’m alone, or with other women. If I was walking with a dude, they would never do it. And I put on blinders and keep on going, because if I do say anything, it only makes it worse.
It takes a long time to undo centuries of misogyny. Women have been marginalized and deemed chattel for so long that it’s ingrained in our very culture. We don’t even realize it’s happening sometimes, and if we do realize it, we don’t stand up for ourselves, because that only feeds the beast and what we want is just to get away from it.
Change is slow, especially for something so long-ingrained in cultures around the world. But that doesn’t make it impossible or improbable. It doesn’t make it easy either. And sadly, sometimes women need to be made aware that some things aren’t okay, and that we shouldn’t let it be okay.
We are all entitled to being treated like a human being. That’s why I love those two posts by Chuck Wendig so much. Because he stole my thunder, said it better than I ever could, and I loved it.
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YES. Exactly. And I'm guilty of this, of accepting it as the way it is and not expecting change. I don't know if I've ever defended it. I might have. It's such a subtle thing sometimes it sneaks past you. But my eyes are open now.
I was in an abusive relationship with someone who would have been all over the MRA movement had either one of us been aware of it then. I believed all the things he said, and agreed with him on pretty much all of it (it was easier to agree than to incur his wrath, so on the things I didn't want to agree, I ended up giving in anyway). I did use to defend this kind of behavior/mentality, so when I see other women defend it now, it hits a special nerve.
We're so used to it, we don't notice it.
We're so used to it, even if we notice it, we accept it.
We're so used to it, not only do we accept it, some women defend it. Because they have been taught that's the way it is, and that's what they deserve.