Is It Possible To Be One Million Percent Better?

Mathematically, nothing can ever be more than one hundred percent, but metaphorically, I can please myself, so the answer to the question is yes, you can feel one million percent better, and this morning, I do.

Regular readers (all five of you) will recall that I went into hospital on March 4th for minor surgery and they couldn’t do it. Someone had told me I could eat and drink normally the night before and I should have fasted.

By way of an apology, they rearranged the job for yesterday. So Her Indoors and I tootled along there, and this time they got on with it. By half past eleven yesterday morning, one fibro-epithelial polyp was removed from the roof of my mouth and on its way to the laboratory for biopsy. According to the docs, it didn’t look sinister, but they do need to make sure, and we get the results in about four weeks, when I go to outpatients.

I was home for half past one in the afternoon and there began the worst few hours of my life. I found it difficult to swallow, I couldn’t open my trap wide enough to get a spoon or fork in, and I ended up nibbling at food. It took twenty minutes to get through my evening meal, where it usually takes about three (well it doesn’t take anyone long to get through egg and chips, does it?) I couldn’t stand hot drinks, I couldn’t stand cold drinks. Painkillers were as much use a chocolate teapot, except that I could have eaten the chocolate teapot because chocolate was one of the few things I could eat.

I went to be at half past ten and I felt like hell. I took painkillers as I went to bed, and they were just as useless as the earlier ones. By four this morning, I’d had enough of sleep, wake, pain, sleep, wake, pain, so I swallowed two more paracetemol, and got out of bed.

It’s now about six fifteen and what a difference those two hours have made. Suddenly I can swallow without discomfort. Suddenly, I can drink a cup of tea without cringing. The stitches are niggling a bit, but they’re supposed to dissolve in a few days and if that’s the worst I have to put up with, I shall be a happy man.

I’m very tired, but with the reduction in pain and discomfort, I’m looking forward to catching up on my sleep later today.

The only downside to all this is the kettle as gone. One of the pieces in Flatcap – Grumpy Old Blogger discusses the number of kettles we wear out. Well, we can add another one to the tally. It cost me a fiver about two years ago and has given stalwart service. RIP kettle. I’ll be in Tesco’s later this morning for a replacement.