Is a cat tree worth causing an international incident?

So this is a post which has nothing to do with writing and everything to do with making an idiot of myself twice in one day.

Last week I abandoned my cat, Finn, during a fire alarm in my building. So I was feeling a little guilty. (It turned out to be the result of some vandals taking a sledge hammer to the sprinkler system instead of an actual emergency so he is fine, just more skittish than usual.) To relieve some of my shame and make it up to him, I ordered a giant cat tree from an American company and arranged to have it shipped to one of those postal outfits on that side of the border so I could save myself $300 in shipping costs. I work close to the border, so no big deal, right?

Oh so wrong. I've done this many times and usually it takes about 35 to 45 minutes. Not yesterday. Not even close. When I finally got to the border crossing after waiting for 40 minutes I was shocked and appalled to see them shutting it down. The crossing guards threw down orange cones and I thought something was happening. Like a bomb scare or an international incident of some kind. Turns out someone had triggered their radiation sensors so ye olde Homeland Security went into emergency mode. And guess who it was? Yup. ME!!! I'd had a heart scan two days earlier and the radiation from that procedure set off their equipment like crazy! Can you believe that?

Needless to say, the next hour wasn't a lot of fun.(Though Customs Officers Ramsey and Van Dyke were really pleasant and efficient.)I got to see that room where they do orifice searches which was pretty exciting. No, I was not violated. They just checked to make sure the radiation I was transmitting matched the type indicated on my letter from the hospital. (Good thing I was carrying it.)

When I finally got my passport back and was able to leave the border behind I found myself in a situation. You see, I drive a small car and thought the giant cat tree would be in pieces. Nope. Six feet and sixty pounds of upholstered wood do not fit so I had to get the toothless fellows in the shipping department to help me wedge it in there. This involved moving my seat so far forward that my muffin top was brushing the steering wheel and the cat tree itself was resting on the glove compartment door. It's so close that I can use it as an arm rest. And I have to go back over the border like that. Looking like the craziest cat lady EVER!!

And all because of a fire alarm. (OK. And my own stupidity.) But I did learn two things: 1. I will never wear my comfy, polka dot onesie again. My neighbours all stared at me during the fire alarm. Didn't help that I was wearing it with neon running shoes and carrying a giant purse. Stylish ensemble, no? 2. I will avoid the border at all costs while undergoing treatment, just in case... Unless of course, I find the perfect lamp or table. Then all lessons will be forgotten.