Lowhim Smackdown alert!

I got this idea from others on the internets. Here is a list of reviews where I, the author, am torn apart. Without mercy.
 To all: thanks for reading!
This might be the harshest one of all. Not sure if it's good that the reader needs to drink after reading. Ouch.
This is the best zing I've ever seen! Well done, sir, well done.
 No one in the UK appreciates this book.
 And this person hates the same book as well.
Finally... Here my abilities as a writer are severely mocked.