Four Lessons for Living Through Second Grade and Beyond
School started yesterday and my first grader is now a second grader and I am no longer allowed to walk her to the bus stop. But, I can, I am told, stand at the bottom of the driveway and watch her ride by on the bus. I am also welcome to wave and she may wave back. Depending.
I miss her already. She’s headed into another new adventure. And so I am I. We are always expanding into another experience with new things to learn.
Today, I’m thinking about some of the lessons I want my daughter to pick up along the way.
These are the basics. And, these are my lessons too, you see. If we can do these things we will be better. We will do better. We will feel better. We will love more. This is my practice. I hope she chooses to take it on too.
Just the Basics
Lesson #1 – Be kind, even when the other kid doesn’t deserve it.
Kindness and compassion, Sweet P, can change the world and often it’s the people who seem the least deserving who need it the most.
When you were three and just entering pre-school, I watched from the narrow little window outside your classroom and saw a punk kid knock you over. Every cell in me wanted to bust through that door, leap over the little table, grab that kid by the back of his overalls and haul him off to juvie. But, he was three and you were three and I thought, well, maybe a little push doesn’t qualify as Strike One in the Criminal Justice System’s Penal Code. I’m also pretty sure I couldn’t actually leap over the table. So, I let it go.
I’m learning to do that a lot in this life, to let go. It doesn’t help to hang on to the hurt or judgment. It doesn’t work to blame or criticize. Those approaches only serve to keep you stuck. But compassion is freeing. It uplifts both you and the person you are sharing it with. When you act with compassion you are living from your highest potential and connecting with your greatest self. The more you can do that, the better you’ll feel in this life.
Lesson #2 – Don’t let others determine how you feel about your life.
When you are accountable for your life – and all the actions and emotions and beliefs that come with it — Sweet P, you get to create your experience. Sure, you’re going to encounter snarky people and disappointing outcomes, but you always, always, always get to decide how you’ll respond to those circumstances.
They don’t have to be setbacks. Don’t stay away from doing what you want to because you’re afraid or you don’t like the people or because it’s hard. Instead, lead with compassion and then get busy creating the experience you want.
Remember, Sweet P, your dreams aren’t dependent on anyone else – though many people will influence them along the way. It’s up to you to decide how you’ll handle this moment and the next and the next. When you know this, anything is possible.
Lesson #3 – Say Thank You. Slowly. Always.
In fact, feel free to practice this lesson around here.
Repeat after me:
“Thank you for dinner, Mama.”
“Thank you for finding my coat behind the couch.”
“Thank you for not wearing your pajamas to the bus stop, Mama.”
When someone helps you out, stop, look them in the eye and give a full-on “Thank You.” This allows you to connect with the others. The pause and thanks giving will also remind you of all the good stuff you have in your life.
It’s easy to get sidetracked and whiny about all the things going wrong, but Thank You is a way back. A way of remembering all this is right.
We can have disappointment and sadness and still marvel and give thanks for the beauty of the changing leaves. We can be angry and frustrated and still be grateful for the people who love us. When you practice gratitude often, constantly, consistently your days will be brighter.
Lesson #4 – Be Who You Are, it is ENOUGH.
I would prefer that you not leave your clothes on the floor, and I’m tired of tripping over your stilts and could you please Just. Put. Your. Shoes. On? (!) And, if you can’t, if you never ever do any of these things again, know this: I love you totally. Always.
We all have things we want to get better at, improve upon, learn about. That’s normal. But, pick the things you want to work on because they make your life better or easier (I guarantee your life will be easier if I don’t break my leg falling over your stilts).
Improve the things that matter to you, that make a positive difference in the world. Don’t change because someone else tells you that you must somehow be different, better, or prettier — to be loved. You are worthy of love right now, no matter what you do or what you achieve or how you behave. We are all worthy.
Second grade is going to get messy, no doubt. No matter how old you get you’ll always have moments when you don’t know what to do and you think you aren’t good enough to do it anyhow. If you really want to dredge up the self-doubt, try being a parent one day.
But, if you show up, do your best, and be who you are – I promise you, it will be enough. You have all that you need to recover when your feelings are hurt, you have all the talent and imagination and intelligence you need to make a positive contribution — you do it every day. You are a marvel – just as we all are.
When you feel confused and hurt and can’t see your own marvelousness — come on home. I’ll hold you and hug you. It really can be that simple. It’s amazing how powerful it is to sit with the ones who love you. Find those people. Care for them. Go to them and make room for them to come to you. Know that real love isn’t meant to hurt. If someone tells you otherwise get outta there.
These are the basics, Sweet P.When we stay close to them they help us find peace, vitality and a harmony in life that carries far beyond second grade.
Photo by: Stock.xchng
