My Review of #TheWolverine
I was initially puzzled by the need to release another Wolverine movie. Didn’t we just do a Wolverine movie? When X-men Origins: Wolverine came out I thought that maybe they’d follow it up with X-men Origins: Storm, or X-men Origins: Cyclops, or X-men Origins: Nightcrawler. They made X-men First Class instead, which was an entertaining prequel with James McAvoy doing a great job of filling Patrick Stewart’s shoes. But now another Wolverine movie. Why? I mean Hugh Jackman is cute and all, but isn’t it time someone else had a turn?
I can hear the protests. Wolverine is everybody’s favourite, you say. He’s immortal and totally badass and has freakin’ claws that come out of his fists! And if shear badassery is the only reason you love Wolverine, then by all means see the movie. Many a bad guy is clawed to death in Logan’s rampage of justice.
The plot (apologies in advance for spoilers): Logan saves a Japanese officer from being horribly killed in the nuclear bomb attack at Nagasaki, thereby perpetuating the cliché that if you are immortal, you have automatically been witness to every historical event in your long life time. Fast forward to present day and Logan has grown his hair and beard long and is haunted by boring bedroom conversations with Jean Grey, whose epic awesomeness is insulted by her scenes in this movie. The Japanese guy (now obscenely wealthy) is dying of old age/cancer and wants to have Logan’s power for himself, giving his old friend the gift of being able to live out an ordinary life (except with claws).
For most of the movie, Logan acts as bodyguard to the old guy’s bland granddaughter, who has everyone in Tokyo after her. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Logan took such an interest in protecting this girl. I was more emotionally invested in the grizzly bear he avenged back in the Yukon.
Anyway, despite turning down his friend’s offer of non-immortality, Logan finds his healing powers aren’t working anymore. Not that he notices right away. The whole not being immortal thing doesn’t even slow him down. He gets shot several times but just keeps clawing away at thugs like it’s another day at the office. Only later does he wonder why his wounds are still bleeding.
I would have thought that he would first notice the cuts left by his claws. He said in X-men that it hurt every time they came out, and when that didn’t immediately heal you’d think it would set off alarm bells. Logan isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed though. I’m starting to wonder what Jean Grey saw in him.
Still, Logan doesn’t really spend a lot of time contemplating his new mortality, he’s too busy clawing people, kissing the bland granddaughter, and saying “I’m The Wolverine” to whomever will listen.
Other characters include Yukio, a sword-fighting punk who can predict people’s deaths, and Viper, a villain whose outfits get progressively more ridiculous throughout the movie.
My favourite part came in the credits when we get a little cameo from Magneto and Professor X. Forget Wolverine, we need more movies with those two guys!
Final rating: Meh.
BTW: Isn’t it odd that Wolverine didn’t age at all between 1890 and 2000, but since 2000 he’s aged about thirteen years?
