Peter’s Transformational Knowing – 3

Jumping ahead to Jesus’ washing of the disciples’ feet (John 13), we see Peter’s initial refusal to allow Christ to wash his feet followed by Christ’s prediction of Peter’s betrayal. What might Peter have said of his knowing of God and self at this point?

It seems probable that Peter might now speak with confidence about his love of Jesus, the fervency of his belief that Jesus was the Christ, and his utter disbelief and shock at Jesus’ prediction of his impending denial of him. This matter of the denial must have left him profoundly puzzled. It must have been inconceivable to him that he could ever deny Jesus. Did Jesus not know the depths of his love? Did he not know of his heroic courage and the strength of his convictions? He must have assumed that Christ was mistaken in this prediction. Doubting Jesus was easier than doubting himself. He had not yet encountered either his pride or the extent of his fear.

Briefly looking in on Peter after his denial of Christ (John 18:15-27), we would probably find him self-absorbed in regret and anguish. In a moment he had been confronted by his lack of courage, his treasonous lack of loyalty and the depths of his fears. He might also be thinking about how easily his pride had been wounded by Jesus’ prediction of his denial. Perhaps he was also remembering his protestation that “even if all lose faith, I will not” (Mark 14:29). In short, he had encountered his weakest and most despicable self, and he was likely filled with self-loathing.

From:  The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self Discovery