Internet Column 74: Behold! Full Details of the Launch Party
Well, hi there. After much deliberation, I’m now in a position to finally confirm all the details for the Launch Party for my forthcoming book and e-book, I Am Suicide Man.
Book Launch!
By reading this blog post you are very definitely invited to attend the party. Full details are in the invite that you can see to the right there – just click on it to get the full picture. And if that isn’t enough, I present to you…
10 Reasons to Come to the Launch Party for I Am Suicide Man on 18th July
1. Because at the plainest possible level, you’re being invited to eat and drink at a pub. Why would you turn that down?
2. Because either you attended the launch for The Flathunter last year and had an amazing time, what with the filming and the tarot reader and the free Prosecco, so you must be gagging to come to this too, or you didn’t attend, which means you owe me.
3. Because it’s in a mightily convenient location for even the busiest person to pop in for at least one drink and a kind word. Just show your face.
4. Because if the Romanian Witch is right, then I Am Suicide Man will be made into a film by the brilliant Danish film director, Thomas Vinterberg. If you attend this Launch Party and the Prophecy comes true (which it will), I guarantee you will be invited to at least one red carpet event when the film is released.
5. Because my wife is heavily pregnant. She will get really emotional on my behalf if no one turns up. Is that what you want?
6. Because, listen, the bloody minimum bar spend at this place terrifies me. Don’t leave me out of pocket by not turning up and therefore not drinking or eating or toasting my admittedly vain and vein self-publishing adventures. Not when there’s a baby coming.
7. Because Latitude will be shit. You’ll regret it, Phil Summers.
8. Because I’m not demanding any kind of fancy dress.
9. Because, due to a lack of acclaim (I think it will come after I die, like van Gogh or Robin Friday) this could be my last ever book and therefore, by default, my last ever Launch Party. You really, really don’t want to miss it. Do you?
10. And because, most importantly, there will be the possibility of buying a hard copy of the book, of meeting the famously reclusive author, and of possibly getting said book signed by said reclusive said author. Achieve all those things and in 25 years you’ll have a collector’s item that will fetch literally several pounds on the Amazon MarketPlace.
So, see you all there, right? Right? Apart from you, Lou Pond-Jones, who has more important things to do, apparently.
This week’s soundtrack: Don’t Let Me Down – The Beatles
This week’s e-book recommendation: It’s Party Time! Salsa and Dip Recipes
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