When Memories Hurt

Memories can bring us so much comfort and beauty.  Our favorite memories grant us blessings and bliss.  But because they bring us  back to our most difficult moments and feelings, memories of trauma hurt. 

When we remember, we  find ourselves again mourning the loss of a brighter
world, the one we thought  we lived in just moments before the accident, or the
battle, or the rape, or the  disaster, or the domestic abuse.

During the trauma, we  find ourselves unequipped to cope with the realities that face us both in our  newly broken worlds and newly broken hearts.  

Afterwards, instead  of confronting memories of the experience to discover there a meaning that  resonates in our hearts and speaks to our lives, we tend to avoid thinking about  the event that caused us so much suffering, just as we avoid moving our bodies  in ways that cause pain after an injury.

 While we may  effectively block memories of trauma from our consciousness, they still lie like  scars on our souls, waiting to be wakened instantly in reponse to a painful  touch.  And because they remain unresolved, when those memories awaken,  we re-live not their resolution, but the destructive impact they have had on our  lives.  No wonder we often find ourselves living as long as we can in a world of  blunted feeling in an attempt to avoid the suffering.  Often, we need time to  grow in strength--or for our circumstances to
change--before we attempt the work  of healing directly.   

The past shows us a  more perfect world, one that has been shattered and lost:
The present shows us  ongoing repeated pain in response to our loss:  
The future shows us  little hope of healing unless we can learn to view our lives and these  memories through eyes that see beyond time altogether.

 Some of us find  ourselves telling our stories in order to bring these moments of darkness into the light;  whether to a therapist, through metaphor, in the form of writing either a journal or a  memoir.  All of these approaches deserve our respect.  All of those who find the  strength to confront traumatic memories are facing a
great challenge with great  courage.  Setting our traumatic events into a brighter view of the world, one far greater than  our worst memories reveal, is a critical step on the path leading to a greater faith, hope, and love.