The story behind Until I Break

I don't very often feel the need to spill my guts in a super public way...

Okay, maybe I do...

And I feel that need today, so grab your pillow because this might be a long one.

I want to tell y'all a little about how Until I Break came about.  This book is almost a year in the making. It didn't take me that long to write it, but the story itself actually began in June of 2012.

I think I've mentioned to y'all that I had a bit of a crisis in May and June of last year.  I don't know if it's an artist thing (I totally consider myself an artist, mainly because I make things up and because I experience every emotion known to man at least 3 times per day), a writer thing or simply a Michelle thing, but I was completely discouraged with my work and where my career was going. Or not going, as it were.

Although I've always read historical and contemporary romance for the most part, I began my writing career dabbling in the paranormal. I loved it because it really exercised my imagination!  Anyway, I digress.

I was feeling trapped and restless and just...out of sorts and I didn't really know what to do about it. I knew that I wanted to write something different, but I was afraid to do it as Michelle Leighton since I'd established myself as the writer of super-wholesome paranormal romance.

I wrestled with several options for a month or two, finally deciding to start writing under a pen name.  During the course of this troublesome few weeks, I wrote 35 thousand words of a novel titled Beautifully Broken.  It was a little darker than my usual fare and much more adult than what I'd written up to that point.  My plan with that book was to release it in three 30-thousand word sections and publish it as a serial novel.  I even gave the beginnings of it to a wonderful and trusted friend and blogger named Autumn.  I love her. She was so supportive and understanding of my plight.  I will be forever grateful to her for being so amazing. Anyway, we talked about it and I told her my predicament and what I'd like to do to fix it and she kindly agreed to help me launch the book and a new identity to go with it.  So that was the plan.

Enter Patrick Henley, better known as Trick.  He showed up in my life and took my writing and my career in a direction I hardly ever dared to dream might be possible.

And so the adult novel got put on hold.

But the characters never left my mind. Not really.  Through the next several roller-coaster months, I kept thinking to myself that I'd really like to finish that book.  Night after night, I'd find myself thinking about the characters and thinking about their story.  And, over time, they became more and more real to me, their story more and more concrete in my head.  Then, about a month ago, I sat down to give them their voice.  To finish what I'd started.

And I'm so glad I did.  This book, Until I Break, is without a doubt one of my favorite stories.  It scares me to think of publishing it because it's different to what I usually write and the subject matter won't be for everyone.  But to tell it any other way would be so unfair to Alec and Samantha, and to broken people everywhere who just want to find someone to share their hurts with, someone who will love them for who and what they really are.  So I wrote it the way it happened. I wrote the book and stayed true to Alec and Samantha.  I did everything as delicately and tastefully as I could, and I wrote their story.  And now that it's finished, I'm convinced that it's one of the best things I've ever done.  You see, writing their story has changed me.  Maybe as a person, but definitely as a writer.

I write fast and hard, but these two people couldn't be captured that way. They took time to grow and it took me a while to understand them and their story, and the way in which they were damaged.  But now, I feel like I've breathed life into something more real than any story I've ever written.  I hope and pray that I'll be able to take this experience and translate it into many more stories about people I've come to know so well.  This subject will never be repeated in my work.  It likely won't ever get this...racy again. I simply mean that I plan to take the time to really dig deep inside the characters that I'm fortunate enough to be writing about. I want to know what has hurt them. I want to know how to help them. I want to live with them until they can find happiness.  I want to tell their story, their real story.  The scars, the wounds and the beauty of it all.

I think it's safe to say that there's a big piece of my heart in this work.  For a lot of different reasons.  I hope that a little of that seeps into yours as you read.  I hope the story speaks to you and leaves you feeling better for having read it.  Life isn't always pretty.  It isn't always something we feel comfortable sharing with others.  But we have to share it with someone.  And this is the story of two people who finally found their "someone."

UNTIL I BREAK, May 14, 2013