These Floors Are Dirty As Hell

So I have this thing where for my birthday, I only get one functional and beautiful item. Age 40 I got a toaster, 41 a laundry basket, 42 a bathmat.

I turned 43 like two weeks ago and I’ve been damned if I could figure out what I wanted. So I didn’t ask for anything and thus got nothing. Really… just no idea what I wanted. It’s not like I still get excited by candy or anything. I’m married to Jennifer, so it’s not like I look forward to birthday sex breaking a 137 day drought. What am I really meant to do with a cake other than go to the gym afterwards?

Anyway I’m standing in the kitchen and it hits me. These floors are dirty as hell.

I need a mop.

So whatever your dirty floor is… get to it.