It begins again
So it’s spring again–sort of. Spring, which lasts for maybe a month in Northern VA and if we’re lucky, is a time for rebirth, for renewal, and for finally using that thing you bought that time at that place that one time years ago or getting rid of it. I’ve reached that point with this blog.
I don’t quite remember why I started this thing to begin with. Given my pursuits as a writer, I suppose I initially felt an obligation to house and display certain works, promote this and that, and fill in the gaps with various insights I would somehow obtain while being chained to a cube 40 hours a week and scrawling on the side. It didn’t happen.
Time passed. Dust collected.
I got further along with a few novels, finished a some short stories, and even had three flash fiction pieces published in an annual compilation I’m not sure anyone has ever read. So I thought, “Hey, why not rekindle that dusty rag over there in the corner of the internet and fill it with the trials and tribulations of a writer breaking through.” Then I realized how dull that would be:
Dear Blog,
Today I submitted a story. Now I get to wait.
Sure, I could have weaved the thing in a more dramatic way (My pulse quickened as my trembling hand glided the cursor towards ‘Submit‘) but that seemed forced. And contrived. And, not me.
More time passed, but less than before so the dust was hardly noticeable.
The more driven members of my writing circle finished their novels, landed agents, launched blogs, and moved on. Left to my own devices, I progressed slower and slower. The webs I wove grew tattered and strained at their weakest points, absently swaying in my mind. I noticed the trend among newbies on the writing circuit, some of which were in my writing group, was to interview more established writers, guest feature on blogs, etc. I’m not a fan of crowds and herds, but I still liked the idea.
So I decided to spin it, focus on up-and-coming artists in other fields searching for the elusive Big Break. How cool would it be to follow the similar paths of a soon-to-be Bestselling Author, a future Rockstar, and potential Hollywood Starlet? So I reached out to an actress friend in LA, talented and forever on the cusp of her big moment, a musician friend, who finally decided to moved to Nashville and pursue his dream, and a few others in related fields. Questions were crafted, responses were given, and right when I was ready to start the project, I didn’t. Part of it was hesitation, part of it was not wanting to do a disservice to aforementioned friends who would be potentially wasting their time for a blog no one reads.
About a year passed and here we are.
Maybe this will be the year, maybe it won’t. I procrastinate. I’m lazy. I’m introverted and have a tendency to withdrawal for extended periods of time after great bursts of creativity. But, I think I might have it. As started above, I started this because I felt I had to. I then tried to do other things that writers are supposed to do according “people who know.” I never really did what I wanted, which resulted in a fine demonstration of half-assing. Basically, I never let me be me.
Starting today, use this to write what I want, when I want. Maybe you’ll laugh. Maybe you’ll call the grammar police. Maybe I’ll use a word or a phrase that irks you, maybe even offend you. But it will be me, which means I’ll do it (’cause if you won’t do yourself, who will?). That’s what really matters.
