Think you are having a bad day?

This is the note that was left to me by my fifteen year old daughter this morning. All this after an appointment with my neurologist where I had testing, blood work and new medication prescribed to quell my latest and worst flareup.
I used the think the worst part about having MS was that people who looked at me couldn’t tell anything was wrong. I’m just lazy and don’t want to work. I’m irresponsible or just have the “blues”. It helps that I really don’t care what other people think. I have to admit though, sometimes it plays with your head. When I string together a few days where am feeling pretty good, I don’t see myself as sick.
Then reality hits.
Vertigo, double vision, complete and total fatigue, headaches, dizziness, loss of balance and the inability to concentrate, chronic pain – Everyday.  Even with all this, it’s the words of my daughter that bring me to my knees.
I wonder if she realizes 50% of people with with chronic pain consider suicide? I wonder if she knows that she and her brother were the only reason I never considered taking my own life? Does she know how often I plead with God to have taken me instead of their mother? Does she realize that no matter what, I still love her?