North Korea’s Kim Jong-un Exclusive Interview with EB

EB visited North Korea this weekend at the invitation of North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un. Reluctant at first EB, was permitted by President Obama to make the trip. It would be classified as an unofficial diplomatic gesture. President Obama figured that perhaps talking to a bunny rabbit was exactly what the North Korean leader needed, as the tensions continue to rise between North Korea and the rest of the world. EB was warmly greeted by the dictator and he presented Kim Jong-un with a copy of A Rabbit’s Tale An Easter Story and a package of marshmallow peeps which brought a big smile and a hearty salute from the dictator.

Here is the transcript from this historic meeting which sheds new insight into the mind of the North Korean leader.

EB: Well Kim, it wasn’t easy getting here. I had to pull a lot of strings and call in a lot of favors to be able to visit you.

Kim: Uhm – yes, I tank yu kuld koming.

EB: So, what’s going on with you? What this about you wanting to attack everybody?

Kim: It’s mi doote tu pratek mi cuntree

EB: C’mon, you know nobody buys that. I’m a rabbit and I don’t buy that. You might get Dennis Rodman to believe that, but I don’t. Now, what’s up? You need to come clean or I’m outa here and no more chocolate covered Easter eggs for you, and I can tell that you’ve eaten your share.

This was a tense moment for EB and the dictator. Then to everyone’s surprise Kim Jong-un broke down and spilled it all to EB. After a moment of sobbing like a school boy, Kim grabbed EB’s paws and continued.

Kim: Oh, EB – I dunt no wat ti du. Nobadee lyk mi and I no tink i can tirn bak. U see, I hav smal peanuts. Is terible. I dunt no hau to fix.

EB: Your English stinks, but I think I understand. Can’t you get a farmer or a doctor to take a look at it? May something can be done?

Kim: No tink it can be fix, but dat nut al, ders no mor twinky in mi kuntry. Hostess dont maik no mo.

EB: I feel for your pain brother, but you can’t be serious! You want to blow up the world because you have small peanuts and you can’t get Hostess Twinkies in North Korea!

The dictator continued to sob and EB stunned the crowd by slapping the hysterically crying Kim Jong-un.

EB: Get yourself together, man!

Kim: but dat nut all, EB. I tu short tu pla baskitball!

EB lowered his head and nodded to avoid from laughing and to try to show some sympathy with the grief stricken dictator.

EB: Why don’t you just lower the nets all across North Korea, make it a law?

Kim: Tu lat fo dat besid, I hav crush on Jennifer Lopez, but she no pai attesun to mi luv letrs. I so lonlee, hav no frends plus wif hav peenut allergy. I so fruztatid.

EB: Man, you are a mess! Why don’t you just stop acting like fruit cake and put your rockets away? I think you’ll make more friends that way.

Kim: Mi luv frut kak but no hav in my cuntry no mo, but i espacilee mad, mi no tink Trix shuld be just for kidz, lik u say.

EB: That was just a commercial, and I wasn’t the one saying that Trix are for kids.

Kim: Ohh, mi so confuzd. I not wat to do.

EB: Why don’t you try pilates or yoga or something. Try to straighten out your head before you turn North Korea into an ashtray.

Kim: Wat yu meen?

EB: For every rocket you point at another country, there are twenty, bigger ones pointed back at you. Do the math.

Kim: Evin South Korea?

EB: Especially South Korea and her allies. Kim, you know you are a lot dumber than you look.

At this point the dictator started sobbing again

Kim: See yu no lik me no mo eider.

EB: I like you plenty. All you need is a good spanking. Then you can let your people lead happy lives.

Kim: But dadee no be proud of mi.

EB: Daddy is dead. Everybody alive would be proud of you, especially Jennifer Lopez.

Kim: I dunt no.

EB: Well, you think about it amigo, or you might wind up with no peanuts at all.