Sticks and Stones . . . Are We Too Sensitive?

I remember saying this phrase with other children when we were in elementary school. Our version was, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Today, as an adult, I feel I must conclude that the age-old “sticks and stones . . .” proverb and its meaning have been forgotten by most or no longer holds any truth.

I notice that many people, of all ages, are overly sensitive to what others say. We spend an awful lot of time being hurt by words. We feel offended. We feel insulted. We feel disrespected. We are angry.

I’m often reminded of a book I read back in the ’80′s by Terry Cole-Whittaker. By just reading the title, I gained a whole new perspective on life. The title is, “What You Think of Me is None of My Business”.

I was well into adulthood when I realized that the only person who had the power to label me as anything was me. Yes, there are all of those societal labels. And, that is just what they are — societal labels. They are ‘not’ me and they are ‘not’ you — unless we choose to claim them as our own.

Yes. Words can be written as laws that take away our freedom. Yes. People can use words to threaten — or, emotionally manipulate someone who is emotionally weaker. Words can be used to bully others or used to cause serious damage to ones personal or professional life in the form of a lie. In these cases, we must do what is necessary to protect and exonerate ourselves and our loved ones. This includes changing unfair laws.

However, daily, as we interact with each other, can we loosen up a little? The words that people say to us or about us only have the power and the meaning that ‘we’ give them. Words are the means one uses to express their thoughts. The optimum word in the previous sentence is ‘their’.

I may not like what someone says — or, how they say it. However, they have expressed ‘their’ opinion, not mine. Therefore, it has nothing to do with me. I can choose to be insulted or choose not to be.

There have been times when I was the one who got it wrong. I have wasted energy getting upset over something someone said and then find out that I heard something out of context, or I misunderstood the meaning of what was said.

And, not too long ago a man accused me of insulting him because I used a word that he felt was politically incorrect. The last thing I wanted to do was insult that man. So, you see, he heard the word as an insult, I heard the word as the best way to describe what I was trying to say.

If the opportunity to share information or enlighten each other comes about, great. Otherwise, it is impossible to make someone love, honor or respect you. Hang on to your power. Love, honor and respect yourself. We can choose to walk away from, turn off, or stop reading words that we don’t like. However, remember, an open mind is empowering.

There are too many amazing things to see, do, and be in this vast world other than fight with others over the words they choose to say.

So, let’s move forward — solid in the knowledge of who we are and knowing that another person and their words cannot define us.

You cannot be torn down by someone who never had the power to lift you up in the first place. Only YOU have that power.

Tagged: Autobiography, inspiration, Life, self-development, self-esteem, society, Thoughts, Wambui Bahati, words