pretty sure the stuff in my kitchen sink has achieved sentience

Deb vs Proofs, so far:

One (1) paper cut gash, to Deb's right index finger
 Several (5+) stubs to Deb's big right toe, because she keeps catching it on the chair or the corner of the desk when turning to check something on one of the stacks of paper on the floor
 Three (3) separate instances of Deb being caught muttering to herself on public transport, causing irreparable damage to her facade of being (relatively) sane
 One (1) moment of soul-crushing despair, on discovering a seemingly...