What Does the Unconscious Make Us Do?

  I often note that we are driven by our unconscious;  so what does that mean?  What drives us and how?  Memories; not often verbal but memories, nevertheless.  Let’s recap a bit.  We have traumas very early in life that become imprinted  and remain locked-into the system.  Imprints usually mean that key needs were not met; as for example, in the womb, a lack of proper nutrients or a mother who  smokes and drinks.  Oh by the way, there is a “scientific” report this week  that states that  it is OK for the carrying mother  to have one drink.  NOT SO, EVER.  It affects the fetus developing brain and we can  only imagine what alcohol does, but whatever it is, it is not good  and should never be allowed, even by the sages among us.  And when one drink leads to another with one puff leading to another we have  the makings of later serious mental illness.

    So key needs are left unfulfilled and the system remembers it for a lifetime, and it drives us for a lifetime.  And the act-out is  direct  reflection of the early imprinted memory.  The imprint means pain, a pain of such magnitude that it must be repressed.  And act out is in some way a means of obtaining  fulfillment.  Maybe later it can mean overeating to make up for starvation in the womb.  Or it can be a sexual act out as the person needs touch and caress which went missing just after birth.  The earlier the imprint the more powerful it is and the stronger the force attached to it.  That translates into obsessive compulsive behavior as the drive is so strong as to be unrelenting.  And so when someone finds religion as an act out, it is often because she needs someone  to care  and protect her.  Someone to watch over her and be there the minute she needs him .  So long as there are unconscious imprints, there will be act-outs.  Smoking is a great act-out; the minute there is pain, often not aware,  she reaches for a smoke.  It is always there and ready to ease the pain.  It is the  nature of the pain that it is repressed so that we are seldom aware of it or our act-outs.  But breathing deep and feeling the warmth from the cigarette go deep inside is relaxing and addictive.  And so what do the Behaviorists do?  They try to stop  the act-out, stopping the only possible release there  is and the only possible means of seeking out fulfillment.  I have seen too many actors and directors  who get depressed when they are not working.  They need that outlet all of the time.  When it is not there they slip into depression.  Why?  Their act-out is removed for a time and  they are left with their pain and unmet need.  They are literally bereft.  They are getting close to, “Love me momma,  hold me, be with me!”  They smoke and drink more and do what they can to keep pain sequestered; again, a pain never or rarely acknowledged.  I was once consultant on a film where the director, so insecure, kept sending the star notes of how much he admired and loved her.  It eased her and him.

  When we examine the nature of the act-out we can often pinpoint when the imprint was set down and how.  One patient could not stand enclosed restaurants.  She needed a constant supply of air.  She became claustrophobic, and it got worse  and worse.  Until she felt it; and, as we suspected, her mother’s cord was wrapped around her neck and she could not breathe.  Another patient had to keep moving, could not sit still, was ADD,  and needed to travel  all of the time.  She was blocked in the canal and had a terrible time getting out.  Her anxiety was having to sit still;  and  when she was blocked in a line she became anxiety ridden, the very same anxiety she had originally that had no name.  Now it does, but that name does nothing toward a cure.  It is what that name signifies  that matters.  Here it means being blocked when its result meant life and death.  It is the meaning that matters and not  the  resulting act-out alone.

  We see the importance of the act-out, because  removing it opens us up to  pain.  So someone deprived of enough food in the womb is forced to overeat, that is, eating for now and  then.  The act-out seems neurotic only because it is behavior out of  context.  The minute we put it into context, it becomes real and adaptive.  To relive being born and not immediately being held and caressed makes it clear to the patient what his act-out of having to be connected at all times means.  He was detached from his mother with nothing to hang onto. His mother was quite sick and had to be isolated from several weeks.  He had to feel  this over and over again as it was set down, not as an adult crying about it.  The pain of it went on for weeks and had to be relived methodically and slowly over time.  It could not be rushed. But the more consciously aware it became the less force there was left and  therefore the less he was being driven to act  out.  He did not have to get on the phone whenever he was alone in order to feel connected.  He experienced the ultimate primal disconnection.

  What is in the unconscious?  A lot of pain and a lot of memories……..engraved.  These are not just verbal memories; they are systemic, infused into every cell in our bodies.  If we want to get rid of frigidity and other sexual problems, we need to experience a therapy that is global and physiologic; not simply intellectual.  We need to free the body of its pain.  The whole body must be involved again in the memory; otherwise it is a mental event.  Too much of today’s therapies deal with act-outs because it is only a matter of behavior to change.  We are not just changing minds; we are changing all of us because that is where the pain is.