Fear…. and first book signing…

Two peas in a pod Shine On Award… thank you all!

Fear…. and first book signing…

Have you ever felt so terrified that the light from terrified can’t even reach you?
Well, multiply that by a million and that’s how I feel.
My Publisher, PDMI asked me a couple days ago if I wanted to come. Of course my initial reaction was (other than logistics like work and travel) “Wow cool, okay!”

Now, I’m shaking in my proverbial boots. There is a saying that “If you are afraid, then you are doing it right.” I don’t know if it is the best way to feel but I can lull myself by thinking that. I have this nightmare of showing up and being run out of the place by the other ‘real’ authors. I know this is just my mind playing tricks, but it is none the less frightening.
I don’t know if any of you are from this area, but I sure would love to see a friendly face.
I have been doing a lot of prep work to get ready for this adventure. Here is a small snippet. I really hope you enjoy it!

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Smith Point Beach, Long Island, NY
Original uploader was Intelligentlove at en.wikipedia
CC-BY-3.0.

Exhausted and very hungry, Charmeine was walking Smith Point Beach in Long Island, New York. Her heart was struggling to pump blood as it had been ever since she left Romania.
She was livid with her family. She felt betrayed, belittled and lonely. The aimlessness and craziness of this past week plummeted on her like an immensity. It felt like 1997 again. She was by herself, lonely, a solitary person with no family or friends.
She wondered up and down the shore flying between Jones Beach and Smith Point Beach. She wanted some time to think and did a lot of it. At first, she re-ran the whole scene in the study and terrace in her mind, over and over, digging a deeper rut in her memory. Ever since she left, her heart was never the same.
However, the betrayal came from the root feeling of fear…. her fear! Fear she wasn’t good enough. Fear she was incapable to be anyone’s Queen. Finally, fear she wasn’t strong enough to be a skilled weapon against the Elder Council.
The biggest problem now she faced was logistics, Charmeine needed to get to Athens, Greece and quick. The battle was a day away. In her haste to retreat from the castle, she took no money, credit cards, passport, clothes or even a cell phone.
She sat down and began to well in tears folding herself in a ball putting her legs up to her chest. She laid her head on her knees. Her arms encircled her legs. She just rocked back and forth, comforting herself.
Charmeine started to ball her eyes out. She hadn’t cried like this but one other time. The night she saved Tabbruis’ life, she cried uncontrollably in the shower. It was the realization she was in love with him and it scared her.
‘God, it seemed like a century ago but it has only been a few days,’ she thought.
Longing to have him back in her arms, she just couldn’t get over the fact that he was out of her life. He failed her at a moment when she needed him. Crying so hard her chest was beginning to hurt, she closed her eyes to try blot out the memory of his touch.

William Blake (1757-1827), Satan Watching the Caresses of Adam and Eve’ (Illustration to Paradise Lost), 1808, pen; watercolor on paper, 50.5 × 38 cm, Museum of Fine Arts, Boston, US

She felt that all this was too much, and she would never be able to go on… it just hurt too much.
*****
As the limo drove on the bridge for Smith Point Beach, Tabbruis knew Charmeine was there, he could feel her. Sandra had been right all along! He smiled and felt relieved.
He wanted his wife back badly. All the worry and confusion he went through for the last two days were gone. He wanted to hold his wife again, and have her come home. He needed her because his heart had not worked right since she left.
Suddenly, he could tell she was in distress and suffering. Without delay, he told the driver to pull over. Like the wind, Tabbruis ran to find her. As he ran over the dune barrier, he saw her in a tight ball crying. Her beautiful long blond hair was flying around in the wind. He took a breath knowing she was not hurt physically.
He thought, ‘She is alright; I have found my wife. This nightmare is over. Thank you God!’
Suddenly, Charmeine’s heart skipped a beat. Keeping her eyes closed, she felt a warm embrace around her. When she smelled his familiar scent, instantly she felt safe and calm. His big arms surrounded her, and she melted against them.

Tabbruis and Charmeine

“Semper tuus ero, Charmeine.”
Tabbruis’ deep, European accent was the sweetest sound she had ever heard.
She felt his burning kiss on her lips. She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes and wanted to totally fall into his arms.
Out of an automatic reflex, she whispered among her tears, “Semper tua ero,” and kissed him deeply. Their tongues danced in unison while she ran her fingers through his hair. They fell back on the beach together as they continued their kiss.
Neither one was ready to deal with reality. The only thing that mattered was their arms yearned to hold each other. Their bodies desired each other. Most importantly, their hearts needed each other.

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