Why don't you write something like "Shades of Grey"?

Being an erotic romance writer is kind of my secret identity. I don't hide it exactly, but I don't advertise it either. So when someone does find out about my hobby, they're usually very supportive and interested. Which usually means a lot of uncomfortable questions about how I get my inspiration. 

One topic that I've noticed coming up a lot lately, is "Shades of Grey." Now, I know a lot of people are down on these books for various reasons, but I enjoyed them very much. I found the whole Inner Goddess and Subconscious manifestations in the heroine's inner dialogue completely annoying, but other than that I found myself invested in the characters. 

Okay, mostly I found Christian Gray incredibly hot and that's why I kept reading. I could completely ignore the fact that he was a damaged and self-absorbed egomaniacal control freak because he was just so compelling. (And smoking hot!)

So why don't I write something like "Shades of Grey"? Well, because I don't think I could. I have a fairly active imagination, but I don't think I could write convincingly about a man dominating a woman with any conviction. I mean, it was sexy in the book, I suppose, but there were instances where CG's behavior was genuinely abusive. Even if his submissive was willing, to me this relationship still stings of female suppression.  

Okay, I know it's purely for entertainment and I need to relax, but I'm not sure how comfortable I would be perpetuating the idea that it's okay to allow a man to beat you as long as he's rich, handsome, well-endowed and emotionally damaged.

And the truly disturbing idea to me is that many authors are writing BDSM-themed books now, in an effort to capture some of the Shades of Grey popularity. It's almost like pain is the new sexy. 

I know, I know. I'm a complete hypocrite because in some of my Verena Vincent works I do use riding crops and handcuffs as props. Hell, my hero in my current vampire novella spends 90% of the book shackled to a wall. To me, these things can be sexy if used with the proper playful attitude and enthusiasm by both fictional partners. 

The difference is that the heroine in Shades of Grey is clearly sacrificing her own needs for the man she loves. Eventually she comes to enjoy CG's more extreme sexual demands, but it's not her preference. She's allowing herself to be used. And this, to me, isn't acceptable. Ever. 

The popularity of these books has made it part of our culture. And whether we like it or not, our behavior is influenced by what our culture accepts. Men are not oblivious to these books. They read them and think perhaps this is what women want. I mean, why would we be so addicted to "mommy porn" unless we want to be dominated by Christian Grey. The difference between fantasy and reality has been lost when these books are used as a relationship manual.

So, why don't I write a Shades of Grey? Well, because I don't have it in me. Not only do I not have the stomach to explore the world of Doms and Subs, which are WAY more complicated than depicted in the books.  I also have mixed feelings about creating even a fictional world where men are allowed to be abusive, in or out of the red room.