The Cupboard is Bare

Jack opened the fridge door at the weekend and swung unhappily from side to side. Then he opened and closed the drawers at the bottom of the fridge.

Working so fast in the kitchen, I blur. "There's nothing in here," he moaned. "We haven't got any food."
"I think you'll find we have got food."
"Nothing we can actually eat."

I joined him at the fridge door.

"Stop swinging," I said. "And look, there's your favourite yoghurt; Yeo Valley organic strawberry, and there's half a tub of cream cheese, some satsumas, some spring onion, milk, butter, a bit of asparagus, a couple of potatoes, and an onion, and over there... some apples in the fruit bowl."

I opened the freezer door, "And we've got some pork chops, a chicken, chicken livers, a huge leg of lamb, and some broccoli, some chives, lemon thyme, and mince meat."

Then I opened the cupboards, "A few tins of beans, loads of lentils, passata, rice, tuna, hot chocolate, pasta, flour..."

"Yes, but nothing I can actually eat. We haven't had crisps for months."

"These are all meals," I said, "you'll see."

I'm finding it really difficult to fill the fridge and keep it stocked. Food is simply too expensive, and I'm sure the nation is groaning under the pressure just like me. I don't think I've ever found things this difficult before, and trust me, it's been bad.

Also, I'm kind of 'between jobs', and as I'm self-employed, Jobseekers Allowance is not really worth investigating. I'd be better off trying to pick up extra work elsewhere (trouble is 'elsewheres' are being closed down). I did step foot in the Jobcentre, I asked for advice and the lady said all they do is hand out benefits. My eyes pleaded with her, 'oh help me' I nearly screamed, it was only 9.10am, the chairs in the waiting area for benefits were filling up, behind me a queue was forming and it trailed outside the door and onto the path.

"I wish I could help," she said sympathetically. I had to try very hard to stop myself from crying. A man elbowed his way to the desk, pushing me to the side. "I'm talking to this woman," snapped the lady, "wait your turn."

I sent my CV off to an agency, it was for a position much junior than anything I've done before, but the money wasn't bad, and it was close so I could cycle there. The recruitment agent called me up. "How old are you," she asked. "Thirty-three," I said, "but I'm sure you're not supposed to ask my age."

"You could definitely do this job," she said. "You've had a lot of experience, and you're well qualified, but how would you feel working under someone else --- the woman you'd be working under, she's not going anywhere."

"I'd be happy to," I said. "I don't mind."

Anyway, that was that. I wasn't suitable for the job, because I'd be able to do it.

In my attempt to keep afloat, I've investigated the Sainsbury's feed your family for £50 planner, and I think it's a load of shite. If you ate that much 'basics' wholemeal bread, you'd be crying into the toilet, and then sticking your head in it. Also, shopping from week to week like that could be expensive. And there's no fun in that menu, and no wine.

I'm running my own feed your family on sawdust experiment. But as ours is a family of two, I need to feed us on £25 a week, just for the sake of healthy competition. And that will include washing powder, shampoo etc. I absolutely don't believe in buying everything from a basics range either. Poor people need to eat well too.

So: two weeks ago I spent £70 in Sainsbury's. This week I spent £30 in Aldi. I have friends over for lunch on Wednesday, and then dinner Wednesday evening.  This means I can't buy any more food until June 13th.

So, what did I cook yesterday out of our non-existent food? A freaking enormous homemade lasagna, that's what, whilst Jack cleaned out his bedroom with his Grandad.

"Food tastes nicer when you have a tidy bedroom," he mused as we hung out in his room. "I really enjoyed that lasagna.'

So we won't starve if we stay clean and tidy.

And, thank God, I have plenty of stock cubes.









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