“Loss” emotional snippet from “ACCENDO” the Third Book from “The Light-Bearer Series”

“I have lost her…” snippet from “ACCE... “Light-Bearer SWOT Analysis” snippet ...

“Loss” emotional snippet from “ACCENDO” the Third Book from “The Light-Bearer Series”

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The copyright holder of this file, Lidia Kozenitzky, allows anyone to use it for any purpose, provided that the copyright holder is properly attributed.

The transition back to Romania was uneventful; no Elder Council repercussions hindered the squad from moving back into the castle.
Tabbruis never, but once, left Charmeine’s side. He had not slept or ate since the battle. He was wracked with guilt because Charmeine was right, the squad did fail.
Tabbruis was ashamed because he failed her as a Champion and Husband. He should have believed in her. He constantly ran through those words she said to him in the limo ride back to JFK before the battle in his head:
I admit to you, Tabbruis, no matter how hurt I am with you… I will always love you… and my family. I love you all. I will gladly sacrifice myself for you or our family. Please Tabbruis, promise me whatever happens during the battle, you must live and go on for our family.
Charmeine was right to be scared. However, in the face of all her doubts, she fought courageously, even though it was a lost cause.
Thomas told Tabbruis it might take a while before she recovered, but when her sleep lasted a week, he was afraid. With each new week of sleep, Tabbruis was absolutely terrified Charmeine would never wake up. He was only hanging on by a thread from culpability and fear.
The only time Tabbruis left her, is when he went to attend the small service which was held for Sandra, and her body was burned on a funeral pyre.
Shane was not there.
Before the service, Tabbruis went to his room and knocked.

Shane yelled, “Go away!”
“Son, talk to me, please?” he asked.
Shane opened the door and said, “I’m not going Dad. I can’t say goodbye to her because if I do my life is over.”
Tabbruis lowered his head and wrapped his hands in fists knowing the pain his son was in. He admitted, “I would be saying the same thing too Shane if your mother’s funeral was today.”
Shane said, “Yeah. Dmitri, Neal and Thomas have been helping me. They know how I feel.” As if he was in a daze, Shane muttered, “Dad, I’m sorry but you just have to let me go numb… In Iraq, if a squad member was killed, we couldn’t think about it because we were on the next insurgence, patrol or sentry duty. We didn’t have time to think… there… in Iraq. But here… there is nothing to do but think. Nothing but Sandra’s clothes surrounding me. Her things are lying around the room and Sandra’s vanilla perfume is in the air.”
Tabbruis said, “I can get you another room.”
Shane looked at him with a scowl and yelled, “I do not want another room! Sandra’s here! I can’t leave it! I can’t leave her!”
Tabbruis’ heart was breaking for his son, he gently said, “I understand. But would you, for Sandra, go…”
Shane gave him a deadly stare.
Tabbruis held up his hands and said, “Okay Son, message received.”
Tabbruis hung his head, took a deep breath and then looked at Shane. He asked, “Will do something for your Mother?”
With a worried look, Shane questioned, “Yes, sure. Is she okay?”
Tabbruis said, “Her condition has not changed but I talk to her and read to her. Thomas said it would be good to do those things. Would you come and see her every day and do the same? Your mother loves you so much, and I think it would be good for her to hear your voice.”
Shane hung his head and said with a hurt voice, “Dad, I will try but I don’t know if I can.”
Tabbruis nodded and said with a soft voice, “I understand, but if you need me for anything, come to our room and we will talk. I never leave her side.”
Shane then looked at his father intently and asked, “Dad, you don’t look so good, are you okay?”
Tabbruis answered, “I am fine. I have not been able to eat or sleep since that night.”
Shane said, “Yeah, I don’t eat or sleep much either. Thank you Dad but there isn’t much to say. I just don’t want to feel it again. Each time you or anyone else brings it up; it makes me experience it all over again.”
Tabbruis hugged him tightly and said, “I love you Son,” and kissed him on the forehead and said, “That was from your mother, she misses you.”
Tabbruis closed the door and thought Shane was very strong, if it was Charmeine on the funeral pyre, he would be out of his mind in grief not able to function or able to take another breath. However, Tabbruis thought Shane had part of Charmeine in him, and she was strong. Shane’s inner strength flowed from his mother.
Tabbruis hoped Shane would come and visit Charmeine, making him think of anything other than losing his love, Sandra.
*****

Tabbruis was walking to their Master Suite to check on Charmeine.
Suddenly, like an instant shock with the wind taken out of him, Tabbruis realized he was never the strong one! He bamboozled himself into thinking he was the strength in their relationship but he was not, it was her!
Charmeine had the power of trust, honesty, and belief in the supremacy of God’s strength. She was Tabbruis’ rock and foundation. He was just fooling himself that he was the Protector of Charmeine…
Tabbruis stood shaking; he immediately sat down on the stair.
He realized from the beginning, Charmeine saved him! His wife saved him!
Charmeine saved him from the Blood-Hunter the first time he met her by throwing her lightning and knocking out the attacker. She saved his life when the Blood-Hunter came back to the beach and Tabbruis was close to death. Charmeine also sacrificed and saved him with her blood to keep him alive. Now, he realized… her son… their son, saved Charmeine on the tarmac at JFK with his love for his mother.
Charmeine was the one who was truly exceptional, tough and imperial.

This work has been released into the public domain by its author, Chameleon at the English Wikipedia project

Tabbruis always was the uncertain one about their future. He was the one who was plagued with doubts. He hung his head and said, “Please God, I cannot live without Charmeine.”
All along in their relationship, Tabbruis thought he was the hero.
In reality, he was just a character in her life… his wife, his love, his fire, his strength was her!
Charmeine was the hero!

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