who i want to be

 (These adorable rocks are part of my home decor line with Creative Co-op, but how cute would this be as a DIY project with a few rocks and alphabet stamps?)
I've been a little restless.
About what's next. About the next thing, the next move, the next evolution - in my work, in my art, in my everyday life. This part of the creative process always feels a bit frustrating - lots of reaching, grasping, reconsidering, and hoping you find your footing soon - a solid foundation from which to leap into new experiences/endeavors.  I've been here before. Many times. I know it feels restless and frustrating now, but I also know this time of searching and reaching and questioning will most certainly birth something new and creatively inspiring - not just in my work, but in my life. It happens every time. The uncertainty becomes certainty. 

In my restlessness and while I wait for my uncertainty to birth clarity,  I keep coming back to this favorite quote:
"The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are, seek to determine what you want to be” – Neale Donald WalschSo, for the first time in years, I'm writing again in a private journal everyday. Instead of reaching and grasping for what I'd like to do next, I'm working on who I want to be.
Who. I. want. to. be. 

Not who I am today, what I'm doing today, what I want to do tomorrow. 

But rather, who I want to be.

Friends, it feels like an important aha. I'm trusting that becoming who I want to be will organically flow into what I eventually do next.

And I'm wishing the same sweet aha for you if you happen to be in a space of restlessness as well.



ps: I was telling her about all of this recently during a phone call. She's a fellow creative friend who totally gets that the restlessness, however frustrating, really is just a part of the creative/life/learning process. During our chat I moaned, "Ugh. It's just not the most joyful process." And her reply shook me out of my boots: "No, but it's useful."

Useful. Useful!

I thought about that reply for days. It has helped me understand this process with so much more understanding and calmness. Love insightful friends.

So a few days later, I am inside a friend's vintage trailer at a cowgirl art camp (more on this soon), and I look up and see the word "useful" pinned onto the wall of the trailer. Seriously, friends. I love how the universe works.


xoxo