Dealing With It
In a recent post, I mentioned how happy my daughter was when she returned from her first day back at preschool. I loved hearing about the new friends whose names she didn’t know and seeing how proud she was of herself. Despite her huge smile, she looked a little tired, her cheeks rosy from too much sun. I sat her next to me on the couch and asked her what she’d like for a snack, she needed some energy for gymnastics.
She collapsed on the couch and said, “I don’t want to go.”
Livvie always wants to do gymnastics so I figured she was wiped out from school. I told her she’d feel better after she had something to eat. “You’ll want to go.”
She stared at the ceiling. “No I won’t.”
I reminded her about the restaurant afterward, she could pick the place to celebrate a great first day of school.
She shook her head. Still on her back, but peeking at me to see how I’d react, she informed me, “No. I’m not going.”
We are at a point where Livvie is struggling for independence and telling us what she is or isn’t going to do. She ended a conversation the day before by slamming down her foot. With one hand on her hip, the other holding out a piece of pumpkin bread, she very firmly said, “Daddy, you are going to butter this.” It’d been a while since I’d laughed so hard, not the right reaction, but uncontrollable.
Well, this wasn’t like that. Livvie’s face grew soft, her eyes watering. She was trying to be her usual tough-girl self, but it wasn’t working and the sobs started to come.
I asked if I could hold her and she climbed into my arms, but not for our normal snuggle. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d held her like that, as if she were a baby. She tucked her long legs beneath her and I brought her close, shushed and rocked her until the tears were gone.
I no longer thought of saying a word about money for the class, commitments, or quitting. I wasn’t going to guilt her into going to something that upset her so much. I asked her a few questions and assured her it was okay. I said, “I’ll always be here for you. You can tell me anything.”
She still had sniffles when she said, “Backward rolls make me sad.”
I gave her another squeeze and kissed her head, didn’t realize I’d been fearing the worst. I do my best to keep my fears in my fiction, but I worked in a prison and juvie. Evil is out there. Backward rolls were doable.
We talked some more and back bends got blamed, too. The part that made Livvie sad was when the girls would tell her it was her turn. Livvie had just been moved to the advanced class and not being able to perform those exercises embarrassed her. She felt as if all the other girls were looking down at her, laughing at her, maybe even getting mad.
I smiled at her and said, “Did you know that’s what I go through every time I go to the gym?”
Livvie shook her head, not sure whether or not to believe me, one of the drawbacks of being ‘the world’s silliest Daddy.’
“I walk into places where I don’t know anyone and train with guys who are really good and in much better shape.” I brought over my computer and showed her the photos, laughed about all the ways I’ve been submitted. I showed her moves that we practiced but I couldn’t do yet, found some that I’m already trying to implement. “See, I’m a beginner, just like you.”
I went back to the photos and pointed out all the people I consider friends. “No one is judging in the gym. Everyone’s there to learn, improve themselves, and no one is perfect. There is always someone better. Plus, we never need to worry about other people’s opinions. If you think someone’s thinking something bad you just ignore them.”
Livvie got it. She understood how she could apply it to gymnastics and swimming, football and ballet. When the next class came about, there was no complaining. She came back with a smile, proud of what she could do even though she’ll need help with back bends until she develops the arm strength.
That same night I was going to my first workout since training with Team Quest two weeks before. I was excited to be starting up again and really wanted to check out 10th Planet, but that little voice in the back of my head was there to remind me of what was awaiting me, especially since I still refuse to work on my cardio.
I gathered my gear and gave a goodbye kiss to Livvie who was on the couch drawing. “Well, I’m off to get embarrassed,” I said. “You don’t happen to have any advice, do you?”
Livvie got the biggest grin on her face because she knew an answer that worked for her. Saying it, like it was the easiest and most natural thing to do, she said, “Ignore them.”
