Priorities and Parenthood
Father and Son
Keeping priorities straight is something I believe we all struggle with at some point. I know I’ve been having a difficult time trying to balance mine. For someone who claims to take pride in being a great father, I have to admit I’ve been lacking in that department. Over the last three months, I’ve spent seven weeks on the road, and no amount of rationalization changes that fact. My daughter is a trooper and understands at some level that I need to do my work, but she still doesn’t like it and wishes it were different.
Each of my trips has gotten shorter and more hectic, less time on the road so I’d have more time at home. It’s made life a little tougher on me and prevented me from spending much time at each gym, but I’m still getting in the interviews, making sure I concentrate on the people that I meet and really listen to what they are saying.
The first message I received on this trip came from the man who saved my ass in Missouri, picking me up when I ran out of gas. We’d talked a bit in the car and corresponded through emails where he warned me not focus too much on one project as children grow up fast and that you can’t get time back. I thanked him for the reminder, but that was day one of eleven and as much as I’d liked to have been at home, there was nothing going to get in my way of this fast-paced trip around the Midwest.
After an incredible day in St. Louis at SCMMA, I made my way to Farmington and had a great interview with Joe Worden who talked about the love and respect he had for his parents. The next interview that hit me was with Jacob Noe out of Memphis Judo and Jiu-Jitsu. We talked at length about his girls and what they meant to him. The next day, at Westside MMA, Roli Delgado shared his thoughts on what it means to be a father, how important it is to understand that our children learn from our actions and not just our words.
The following morning I watched two fathers in action. Jonathan Gary’s daughter sat patiently playing with her dinosaurs while her daddy trained and then watched his interview as he described just how important she was to him. That night, I spent time with Matt Grice who talked about how limited his time is between training, owning a gym, and working full-time, but how he always makes time for his children. It’s not the amount of time you spend with your kids, but how present you are.
My final two gyms will stay with me for a long time. When I walked into Laselva MMA and asked for Marcio Navarro, I was pointed to the man on his back playing with a beautiful baby boy. Marcio is a full-time father like myself, who takes great pride and enjoyment in being able to spend so much time with his child. Ian, his 7-month-old, is such a happy baby, his smile so contagious I had trouble paying attention to all the great things Marcio was saying. Fortunately I videotaped the interview so none of his wisdom was lost.
At Grindhouse MMA, I encountered other great parents, Brian Davidson, (Mama) Jessica Philippus and Brandon Cottrell who all talked about what matters to them most. All this talk about being a parent served its purpose and made me realize that I needed to get my priorities straight. I’d been tempted to stay in Kansas City Friday night to catch a fight and I really wanted to see Invicta on Saturday, but that would have meant disappointing my family who was flying out to meet me at the Lake of the Ozarks.
I’m glad I made the correct choice, because the last few days have been what I needed, reconnecting with my daughter who’s trying to deal with my absence. The other day, Livvie and my niece, Bailey, were playing in the lake. I quietly crept up behind them, giving Bailey a mean look to see if she’d freak. She remained relatively calm and tried to guess what I was pretending to be. A shark (my usual,) a sea monster who just barfed, a crazy person. It went on for a bit while I swam closer. Finally, Livvie got the biggest smile on her face and told Bailey, “You’re silly. He’s my daddy.”
That’s when it really hit me, that no matter what I do, whether Brightside, Unlocking the Cage, and all my other projects are a success or not, nothing else matters. I am her daddy and that’s enough to make me a happy man for the rest of my life. I could have spent yesterday concentrating on Brightside’s release but that’s not what was important. Instead of spending the day at the computer sending off emails, screwing with social media, and all the rest, I was present with Livvie the entire day. Despite the crazy heat, we took a hike to an old castle, scaled a rock wall, explored a deep cave, searched for jewels, swam in the lake, took a nap with her on my chest, and went night swimming. There was no doubt in her mind whose day it was.
On of the things I’m most excited about with Unlocking the Cage, is showing what some of the toughest and bravest men on this planet feel about being a father, what their definition of a real man is. I want to crush that old stereotype that men are just there to provide, that they don’t need to be active in the raising of their children. I want to show others that a real man is confident enough to tell his children how much he loves them, that he won’t be afraid to be judged for being emotional. I come from a long line of Germans who were taught saying I love you was something a woman did, a sign of a weak man. I understand where that came from, but am glad to be part of the change. There won’t be a day that goes by that my daughter doesn’t know she’s loved.
