What was it Like to Serve in Vietnam and Afterward

My fellow Vietnam Vet and author, Robert Kuhn, discusses his service in Vietnam and what it was like afterward. It’s well worth reading.

An interview with Robert Kuhn

I recently hired a professional beta reader named Gabriella Michaelis to help me with my new book, Jean’s Heroic Journey. (Who, by the way, I highly recommend to any author/ writer seeking professional author services.)  I was so impressed with her work that I asked her to work her magic on my older book, Rucksack Grunt, as well. Once again, she did a fantastic job critiquing the book. As it turned out, apparently, the book piqued her interest not only in the experiences that I detail in my memoir, but she also wanted to delve more deeply into my views of the Vietnam War as a young soldier and now an old veteran. She very politely and tactfully asked me some problematic probing questions about what it was like. So, I thought I’d present our Q&A exchange in an interview format as follows.

Gaby:  I know that I might be asking some very personal and/or uncomfortable questions, but please know it’s not to be rude or disrespectful. It’s really because I’m curious about how you fully experienced all of these incredible, sometimes harrowing things that the average person doesn’t usually go through in their lives, especially not at 18/19 years old. At that age, I just graduated high school and went to university during a time of peace, comfort, and stability.

Bob: I am just as intrigued by you, a talented woman from a much younger generation who has a sincere interest in learning about the Vietnam War and us veterans. I welcome your questions and doubt that they will be inappropriate, but thank you for that sentiment. You can ask anything you want to. I’ll decline if necessary.

Gaby:  How might you have felt fighting so far away from home ?

Bob: SCARED! Extreme fear that you learn to manage. Extreme homesickness and loneliness that you don’t learn to manage. But still, at the same time, some great camaraderie and friendships developed.

Gaby:  You’ve described some terrifying moments in your book. What went through your mind aside from the fear? Did you miss home? Your family? Or were you so scared that you mostly just hoped to survive?

Bob: Yes, I certainly did miss my friends, family, and home so much of the time. But during those moments of intense fear, I can’t say that home and family were the first things that popped into my mind. But instead, a sudden defensive posture of reacting and doing whatever was necessary to defend and protect myself and my buddies. I’d have to say that eliminating the enemy threats and survival would have been foremost in our minds in those moments.

Gaby:   It is genuinely impressive to know that you’ve lived through a historic event that I’ve either only read about in history books or seen a Hollywood-esque version of in the movies. I know from reading your book that it certainly was a difficult time for you guys, to say the least. You not only had to fight the enemy but also an extreme climate. It sounded like you simultaneously battled nature as well.  

Bob: First, let me say that I don’t want to give the impression that it was all dire hardship and adversity 100% of the time. That would be inaccurate. We all have some humorous stories, good times, and good friends to talk about as well.

But even if just a minority of the time was frightfully perilous, that was still incredibly indelible on a young mind. Most of us were too young to be thrown into the war machine. War is a dreadful thing.

I describe a Vietnam tour as a mess of extremes. Extreme heat, extreme humidity, along with extreme monsoon rains. Extreme fear, extreme exhaustion, extreme sadness, extreme homesickness, and extreme anger were some of the emotions and state of mind. 

As I wrote in my introduction, “Some had it bad and some not so bad. We all served.”

Gaby:  During your time in Vietnam, were you aware of the politics behind it?

Bob: Keep in mind that I was just a 19-year-old kid. How much do teenagers really know about and understand politics? I was raised by the World War II generation. We were taught right from wrong, good -vs- evil, and so forth. The TV cowboy shows we loved to watch had the good, clean-cut guys wearing white hats against the underhanded, sneaky, bad cattle rustlers and stagecoach robbers. Superman and the other superheroes always fought for what was right. It was a pretty black-and-white concept. World War II was clearly presented as a good vs evil war. Our good American soldiers fought against the evil German Nazis and Japanese imperialists. The American public trusted our government and unanimously supported the war and jubilantly supported and honored the returning warriors.

All of that changed during the “1960s” and “1970s, ” especially among the college students and draft-age war protestors who didn’t trust the government and certainly didn’t want anything to do with that war or the draft. Eventually, populism turned against the Vietnam War and then wrongly against us warriors who were fighting the war as ordered, all of which I was certainly aware of.

 Probably a more direct answer to your question regarding my awareness of politics is to state one of the government’s reasons for getting involved in that decades, if not centuries-old war. It was called the “domino theory.” If we let Vietnam fall to communism, then it was just a matter of time until the other neighboring countries in the region would fall like dominos to communism, and eventually, there would be a worldwide threat. The government presented the case as a typical good vs evil plot. Democracy and freedom vs communism. The theory was that we had to fight the evil over there BEFORE it arrived here at home in our own country. That seemed reasonable and honorable to me. So, that was a political belief I vaguely held when I went to Vietnam.

Was it all a lie? Maybe. I don’t know. Were there more nefarious corporate greed, war machines, lying government scenarios acting out behind the scenes? I don’t know. At the time, I had no clue about such a thing and never gave it a second thought. However, I will throw this out for consideration: Communism didn’t spread like wildfire, and the dominos didn’t fall. Just a thought.

I could go so much deeper into this subject now, all these years later. The controversial Gulf of Tonkin incident, the Pentagon papers leak, and so forth impacted public opinion of the war, but I believe your curiosity is more about my state of mind back then. So, let’s move on to the next question.

Gaby: I don’t mean any disrespect, of course, but it does make me curious – at this point, did you feel the war was worth all of the horrible, scary things you went through? Did you know what you were fighting for, or was it mostly a sense of duty that you meant to fulfill and get back home in one piece as soon as possible without contemplating the purpose of the war too much?

Bob: That’s a good question. The honest answer is that I didn’t contemplate the purpose of the war so much at the time. Other than, as I said, in the back of my mind, I held onto the belief that we were fighting against communism and saving the Vietnamese people from it, but like I said, those thoughts were in the back, not the forefront. However, just like here at home, not everyone agreed with that thinking. I have heard other guys ridicule such notions while we were there in the country. However, I chose to hold onto those sorts of beliefs to attempt to maintain some sanity, which, to a certain degree, failed in the end. I attribute that failure not only to being exposed to war but also to the country’s lack of support and disdain for the war and for us as returning soldiers.

The bottom line for me is that I did my duty to the best of my ability and just wanted to survive and return home again.

Gaby:  Were you aware while there that the war was winding down? How much of that sort of news did you receive or know about? Did the military leaders keep you informed?

Bob: During my time there, we were isolated from the news, especially as infantrymen. For the most part, we didn’t have access to much news besides what we received in our letters from home. Which really wasn’t the focus or purpose of the letters. But we were all aware of the war protests and marches at home that had occurred before our tours of duty began and were still ongoing. I’ve heard it stated that the military is a microcosm of society. I believe that was especially true at that time in history because a large portion of the Army comprised civilian draftees. Even though the divisive political unrest occurred thousands of miles away, it still had an effect on the troop’s morale and attitudes. However, to answer your question, I can’t say that knowing about such things translated into equating those events to the timing of the war ending. The war seemed never-ending. But to me personally, I knew my tour would eventually end one way or another. The American’s part in the war continued winding down for another year after my tour ended.

Gaby:  I respectfully understand if my questions are too sensitive, painful, or personal for you to answer. My questions are purely out of personal curiosity. I was wondering about your sense of what kind of impact the war made and what your reflections might be now that you look back on it. Was it worth it?

Bob: I’ve generically addressed much of this question already, so I’ll focus on just the part of the impact on me personally.

The short answer is LIFE ALTERING. For me personally, as a young man of 18-19 years old, it was a life-altering trauma. Life-long, I should say.

Two years after our troops left South Vietnam in 1975, I watched the fall of Saigon on TV. That had a huge impact on me. I felt immense sadness and anger while contemplating all of the efforts and sacrifices that our government and military demanded of us for all those years. It was a hard gut punch feeling that I had back then when Saigon fell.

In addition, coming home to an unwelcoming society that called us murderers and rapists, and baby killers was an unforgivable ignorance that was prevalent here at home in our country. They unfairly ignored that we were called upon to serve our country, which is what we did. That horrific attitude probably caused as much damage to our psyches as the war experience itself did.

Some veterans handle the war effects and memories better than others. For me, the war experience unwantedly became a part of my essence. Not a day goes by when it does not intrude into my thoughts.

“Was it worth it?” There it is! A question that I should decline to answer. On a national level, I don’t know the answer, and stating a controversial opinion really serves no purpose, so I’ll leave that part up to the macro geopolitical gurus. However, personally, I feel that my service was absolutely worth it. Even though I’ve had to deal with a fair amount of ongoing physical and emotional adverse fallout from it throughout my lifetime (all veterans do), for me, the benefit outweighs all of that.

“How do I view my service when I reflect on it?” That all depends on the decade. In the early years after the war, I was angry and bitter. Still, as I aged and as a society, for the most part, has reversed its travesty injustice against military veterans, my view has definitely improved. Most of the country now recognizes and has tried to reconcile and make amends, not necessarily for the war, but for the veterans. I am not one to say, “Too little, too late.” I welcome the change. It took many years to get to this point but I am proud to have served.

 Last Veterans Day, my grandson, as part of his class project, nominated me to be inducted into their school’s “Hall of Heroes.” I was reluctant to participate, but I saw a valuable opportunity to show the younger generation that it was an honor to have served our country, so I decided that I should be present as an example for the kids. I pray that they are never called to go to war but rather experience peaceful patriotism instead.

I am struggling to adequately describe what a fantastic experience it was to do my duty that day (for the kids) and stand proudly front and center on the fifty-yard line with six other veterans of various ages (I was the old guy!) We were each called up individually to stand next to the master of ceremony speaker as he read a short bio clip of our military service.  It was quite an experience to be honored in front of a high school football stadium crowd. I’d like to add that the event wasn’t during a football game but was solely a Veterans Day event for which the audience turned out.

I’m looking forward to attending this year’s Veterans Day ceremony to support the next batch of veteran inductees, although I’m glad I’ll be doing so from the bleacher seats this time.

I would encourage other veterans to step up and be recognized if they have an opportunity.

Gaby: I welcomed the opportunity.to speak with you about all of this, and I appreciate your candid answers to my questions and curiosities. It’s an honorable feat to have served your country. Thank you.

Bob: It was my pleasure to interview with you. Thank you, Gaby.

Gabriella Michaelis, author and up-and-coming editor extraordinaire.

If you are interested in reading more of Mr. Kuhn’s work, check out his earlier submissions on my website and my book review of RUCKSACK GRUNT:

https://cherrieswriter.com/2021/06/27/am-i-a-real-vietnam-veteran/

PTSD is an Honorable War Wound!

MY BOOK REVIEW OF RUCKSACK GRUNT:

Book Titles N – R

*****

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you have a question or comment about this article, scroll down to the comment section below to leave your response.

If you want to learn more about the Vietnam War and its Warriors, then subscribe to this blog and get notified by email or your feed reader every time a new story, picture, video, and change occur on this website – the button is located at the top right of this page.

I’ve also created a poll to help identify my website audience. Before leaving, please click HERE and choose the one item that best describes you. Thank you in advance!