Using form: Parody: Brian Allgar, ‘Irretrievable Breakdown’
The Owl and the Pussycat went to the Judge,
For they sought to obtain a divorce.
“My dear Sir”, said the Owl, “I’ve no wish to be foul,
Though I fear you’ll consider us coarse.
Our plight’s anatomic; my efforts are comic
To exercise conjugal rights.
With our different bits, there is nothing that fits,
And this failure our happiness blights.”
The Pussycat spoke: “He’s a feathery bloke,
Whereas I’m rather furry and feline.
In vain we have tried to get Owly inside,
So to you we are making a beeline.”
Said her husband: “Your honour, I’ve struggled upon her
And hoped she would prove ‘pussycatable’.
It was useless, of course, and we’re seeking divorce
On the grounds that we’re quite incompatible.”
So the Judge set a date to determine their fate:
“I’ll decide at the end of next week.”
But the cat came alone, though she carried a bone
And a handful of feathers and beak.
Said the Judge with a scowl: “Where’s your husband, the Owl?
Are you thinking to mock or deride me?”
Then the Pussy confessed: “I have eaten the rest,
So my husband, at last, is inside me.”
*****
Brian Allgar writes: “What parodist can resist Edward Lear? A gold-mine probably second only to Lewis Carroll.”
Brian Allgar was born a mere 22 months before Adolf Hitler committed suicide, although no causal connection between the two events has ever been firmly established. Despite having lived in Paris since 1982, he remains immutably English. He started entering humorous competitions in 1967, but took a 35-year break, finally re-emerging in 2011 as a kind of Rip Van Winkle of the literary competition world. He also drinks malt whisky and writes music, which may explain his fondness for Mendelssohn’s Scottish Symphony. He is the author of The Ayterzedd: A Bestiary of (mostly) Alien Beings and An Answer from the Past, being the story of Rasselas and Figaro. He is also the co-author, with Marcus Bales, of Baleful Biographica, all published by Kelsay Books and available from the publisher or from Amazon.
Photo: “What She’s Really Thinking” by lumachrome is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
