Hey Liz, You Ain’t No Injun

Newly endorsed Massachusetts Democratic Senate nominee, Elizabeth Warren has gone to great lengths to defend her (non-existent) Indian heritage.  Despite absolutely no evidence to support her claimed ties to Cherokee Nation Warren has adopted the “if you say it long enough and often enough, it must be true” approach.  I now know for a fact that Warren is not Indian.  How you ask?  Well it turns out I am part Native American.

While helping my old man clean out his house in advance of moving I came across the following photo of my sister:

Deirdre "Hiawatha" Cullen

The earrings and necklace are clearly early Apache, turquoise.  The emerald ring appears to be similar to the rings found after Custer’s Last Stand.  If that’s not enough those cheek bones are so high they can only be Native.  Finally, the “I have to spend the rest of my life on this barren reservation” stare can only be handed down through generations repressed by the White Man.

Despite all her protestations Liz has yet to produce a single document verifying her claimed ancestry.  Meanwhile I found proof in one afternoon.

Liz’ endorsement by the state Democratic Party and more importantly the fact that she go unchallenged in the primary was so important even Governor Deval Patrick weighed in early.  The Governor busy both with his book tour (“A Reason To Believe” remains solidly entrenched as the number 200,000 best seller on Amazon just a few spots ahead of “Drown“) and traveling the world at the expense of private interests who do business with the state, endorsed Warren.  God forbid the Democrats allow anyone else on the primary ballot in September.  That would be a little too “democratic” (not to mention dangerous) for a “pathological failure to tell the truth teller” like Warren.

In his endorsement Patrick said he and other voters “don’t care about” Warren’s heritage. For once the Governor and I actually agree.  I don’t care if she’s as white as the pure driven snow.  I do however care if she lied about being a minority to obtain an unfair advantage in a job application.  Hell, I don’t even care if she claimed to be against banks foreclosing on properties and later revealed she had “flipped” a dozen or so foreclosed properties she bought at auction in Oklahoma.  I don’t care if she said she was the “first” women to take the bar exam while still breast feeding.  People who lie when the truth would suit them just fine do, however, concern me a great deal.

I’m headed back to my Father’s tomorrow.  If I can find a relative in black face and maybe an uncle in drag I’ll be a shoe in for a Massachusetts judgeship or a $300,000 a year job at Harvard Law School.

KOKO