Why “Man or Bear?” is a Terrible Question

The ruckus over the “man or bear” question has died down by now after it hit earlier this year. Major publishers such as USA Today, Forbes, CNN and countless bloggers addressed the divisive querry. But, I’d like to add some food for thought, because of the importance of the issue it addresses. n case you missed it, here is the question: a woman is alone in the forest. Would she rather encounter a man she’s never met, or a bear? Which do you choose? 

Sadly, this question is a product of our times: something that sparks discussion about an extremely important topic, but doing it in the most unhelpful way possible. 

This phenomenon appears to have started with a TikTok video that seems to have been done in jest. Many of the participants didn’t seem to be serious, even though most of them chose the bear and sometimes provided comments like, “Men are scary.” The question itself likely wasn’t terribly serious. It’s far more likely that it was just some influencer trying to generate engagement by asking a provocative question. 

Although many people seem to have understood the (presumably) lighthearted spirit of the video, some content creators took up the banner and went on crusade. Within a relatively short time, videos appeared showing stories of male-perpetrated violence with comments like, “This is why we choose the bear.” Naturally, men pushed back and highlighted the dangerous nature of the bear. The original question, absurd as it was, quickly stoked a fiery debate complete with childish posturing and accusations flying from all sides.

“Man or bear?” addresses the extremely important issue of domestic violence (well, one side of it, anyway, which I’ll explain in just a bit) which is unfortunate, because the question itself is such a ridiculous one. I’ll explain why.

Good questions are designed to gain knowledge, serve as an entry point for understanding something more deeply, or make an implicit statement (as in the case of a rhetorical question). “Man or bear” doesn’t do any of those – and it’s a problem. 

All people have something called the “interpretational reflex.” When we encounter information that includes elements that aren’t clearly defined or are unfamiliar to us, we tend to fill in the gaps with our knowledge and experience to make sense of it. People do this with written communication (including the Bible) all the time. The reason why the “man or bear?” question is so unhelpful is because it capitalizes on this phenomenon. Good men who would never think about hurting someone are going to be insulted when women choose the bear. Women who have been hurt by a man are going to be insulted that all men don’t admit their failures, which led them to choose the bear in the first place. The problem is that the question is so vague and ambiguous that everyone interprets vital details differently.

The reflex is for people to fill in the blank spaces with understanding that is going to differ wildly from others. The outcome is lots of fiery debate when the terms were never defined clearly in the beginning. What kind of man is it? Is it a park ranger or some sketchy-looking wierdo—and no matter who he is, why is he just hanging out in the middle of the woods? And what kind of bear is it? One that just ate and is about to lay down for a long winter’s nap or a mamma bear with her brand-new cubs in tow? Details matter, because if they’re not explicitly stated each person is going to fill in their own—and that’s a recipe for instant conflict that won’t help bring any clarity to the issue. 

Yes, I get it. The question really has nothing to do with the bear. But because of its ambiguous nature, it really isn’t helpful. In fact, the only thing it does is what society likes to do with people right now: it polarizes them. Black vs. white, men vs. women, young vs. old, citizen vs. immigrant—we could go on for days.

Some responses have been helpful. One writer offered an unusually thoughtful perspective on living in the wilderness (her analysis is much deeper than the typically useless knee-jerk responses offered in popular media). Thankfully, she isn’t alone. A debate is always best served by cooler heads. However, not everyone has been so careful. 

Predictably, many responses commit the anecdotal fallacy (simply put, “Something is true because I’ve got this story where it happened in my experience”). Here are three perfect examples: 

One TikTok creator told the story about encountering a bear in the wild. She yelled at it, and the animal ran away (not surprising; most animals, including bears, don’t like people). But let’s be honest; if that had been a mama bear, she wouldn’t have survived to tell the tale.Another writer says she spent the night with bears, although she admits that it was (1) during hibernation season, and (2) the bears had been tranquilized by a vet. However, she says she would choose the bear, because of separate incidents with two men, one involving physical abuse and another, a loss of temper (she was very vague about the latter). One writer told the story of traveling through Armenia and finding herself in bear country. She accepted the offer from a local farmer offered to let her stay at his farm behind a fence where she would be safer. After a night of drinking, she fought off a smaller, intoxicated male attacker. The rest of the trip she chose the bears. (Never mind the fact that she originally chose the man over the bears.)

In her excellent article for the Washington Post, Megan McArdle argues that many of the content creators on Team Bear commit statistical malpractice when addressing this question: as the argument goes, because the majority of violent crimes are committed by men, then it’s natural to assume that all men are likely to commit violent crimes. She also points out that, although bear attacks are relatively infrequent, the National Park Service has an entire section of its website devoted to understanding and avoiding bears with a relatively long list of suggestions on how to prevent an attack. In short, the data prove men aren’t as dangerous as you think, and bears are more dangerous than urban legends suggest. McArdle argues that the poor quality of many responses actually winds up hurting women rather than helping them.

As I said, the question brings up the important issue of domestic violence. However, it is often very one-sided. The more thoughtful responders to the question typically point out that it isn’t just men who are scary. Humans are. Consider the following:

1 in 9 men suffer intimate partner violence, sexual violence from their partner, or intimate partner stalking (I’ve been there before, actually). 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence from a partner in their lifetime (I have good friends who have been there, including one preacher whose wife unexpectedly smashed him in the face with a brick, knocking out several teeth).1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime, but the statistics are likely much higher due to refusal to admit their experiences because of shame.

Many women point out that men are far more likely to commit violent crimes. This is indisputably true. Estimates vary, but 80% of violent crimes are committed by men and 90% of known murderers are men – however, the vast majority of these crimes are committed against other men, and many of the perpetrators are repeat offenders, meaning that a smaller percentage of men actually commit these crimes. However, in the arena of domestic abuse, at least one study shows that there is little difference in violence committed by men vs. women. In her article, “The Surprising Truth About Women and Violence,” Cathy Young reports the following statistics:

Men make up 30% of intimate partner homicide victims, not including cases involving self-defenseWomen are just as likely to kill their children as men, and more likely to kill their newbornsWomen are more likely to be child abusers than men

Dr. Michelle Noon, a criminologist based in Melbourne, Australia, argues that men are often much more at risk from violence at the hands of strangers—the very issue the “man or bear” question is addressing—than women. She ends her article, “Myth Busting: The True Picture of Gendered Violence” with this: “Taken together, there are a variety of drivers for why women tend to be at less risk of ‘stranger danger’ than men.  Which gives pause for thought: when it comes to a man escorting a woman through the streets at night, maybe it should be the other way around.”

Studies have shown that violence against men is generally considered more acceptable, reported to the authorities less often, and that law enforcement personnel tend to be much more reluctant to file charges in cases where women are perpetrators of domestic abuse. Men also tend to be overrepresented as perpetrators of violence. 

If we’re going to give this issue the treatment it deserves, then we need to start addressing it properly as a human problem instead of asking silly, polarizing questions that generate more heat than light. If we don’t, everyone loses. 

Well, everyone except the bear.