Melissa Balmain, ‘No Ifs, Ands, Or Bots’

Tradwife? No, thanks. I’m not the type you’ll find
exclaiming “Yippee!” “Yesiree!” or “YOLO!”
at thoughts of chores I might be doing solo –
especially the old-school kitchen kind.
Churn butter? Grow a sill of herbs? You’re kidding.
Give me boxed broth and Hellman’s mayonnaise
and sourdough I didn’t have to raise.
Give me technology that does my bidding.

Yet how I love to cook up verse from scratch:
to handpick thoughts I planted as a kernel
within the fertile pages of a journal,
add rhymes (a meaty or a salty batch),
then whip them into something that – although it
may stink at times – tastes vastly fresher than
the glop inside an algorithmic can
because you know it comes from me, Tradpoet.

*****

This poem was the lead poem in the latest Lighten Up Online (“LUPO”). Melissa Balmain writes: “Ironically, in the weeks since I wrote this poem, a health condition has forced me to do a lot more tradwifely stuff in the kitchen–making low-acid salad dressing, say. But I still refuse to churn butter.”

Melissa Balmain’s third poetry collection, Satan Talks to His Therapist, is available from Paul Dry Books (and from all the usual retail empires). Balmain is the editor-in-chief of Light, America’s longest-running journal of light verse, and has been a member of the University of Rochester’s English Department since 2010. She is a recovering mime.

Photo: “could she cook” by aprilskiver is licensed under CC BY 2.0.