Things I said this month on live tv or radio that made me think “Wow, I should not be allowed to do live media”:

“I mean, I don’t want to finger the guy who sold me all those drugs.”

That?  Oh, that was me pretending to be attacked by a Sasquatch.”

“I’m on a LOT of cold medication.”

“Unless you came out of my birth canal and lady garden you don’t get to call me ‘mommy’.”

“When do we start?  Shit.  We’ve already started, haven’t we?”

“No, the weasel was already dead when I opened it.”

“So then I was stuck in the cow’s..uh…can I say “vagina” if I’m referring to a cow’s vagina?”

“I did a lot of clown porn stuff.  Victor wasn’t pleased.  He hates clowns.”

“They really shouldn’t let me on live radio.”

I also did a Skype reading wearing a strapless dress and it looked like I was naked and I didn’t notice it until someone else posted a picture of me.

Dear me: Perhaps you should avoid tube tops on Skype. And general.


In unrelated news, I’m doing the weekly wrap-up early because we’re taking Hailey to DisneyWorld this weekend to make me feel like a less terrible mother since I’ve been gone on tour so much.

So now, time for the weekly wrap-up…

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

It’s a shirt AND an apology.

What you missed on the internets:

Hailey and Ferris are both getting too big to carry.
P0rn typos (probably not entirely safe for work)
People on NPR are very conflicted about me.
Kick-ass stuff I pinned.

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

The only mommy war I support
The worst things for sale
Derpy Cats

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Cafe Rio, who make the best tortillas IN THE WORLD.  At least, according to my husband.  I’ve never been there because it’s in Utah, but it looks delicious.  Also, I accidentally called it “Cuh-FERRY-oh” the first time I saw it because the link had it all one word and then Victor was all “You mean ‘Cafe Rio’?” and then he never stopped making fun of me.  And now I want tortillas.  Thanks, Cuh-ferryoh.
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Published on May 25, 2012 12:01 • 510 views

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