Poor, Unsuspecting Dude Reads CHAIRMAN OF THE WHORED

...to poor, unsuspecting Lucy. I got a series of texts earlier. They went a little bit like this...

13:10  So I'm in Pizza Hut. And reading your book.
Oh...well. Erm. Enjoy the salad bar.

13:24  It is not appropriate to stand just now.
Please don't scare any children.

13:27  How much of this is you? Are these your dreams?
Yes, I am all the characters in my book. Or I was, until the doctor gave me some nice medicine.

13:40  Managed to stand. I am corrupted. I owe my mate a fiver--do you think there's a book in that?
I suppose it depends why you owe him?!

13:44  "He shoved his fingers inside me, dragging them along the bottom wall."
Then I suspect you owe him more than a fiver.

14:12  Home now. May have to go upstairs.
I'm really not sure what to do with that.

14:23  Almost ruined my phone! That was better than tea with the Queen.
But not Pizza Hut? No...didn't think so.