Monday Notes: Life Beyond Facebook

I deactivated my Facebook account on December 31, 2020, and I haven’t looked back. Here’s how my life has been since leaving the social media platform.

BIRTHDAY MESSAGES ARE BACK TO NORMAL

Birthday messages were the best part of Facebook. And I don’t wanna brag, but hundreds of folks used to wish me a happy birthday. What a big ole ego boost that was. But then something happened; I stopped seeking external validation, and as a result, I slowly no longer felt the need for hundreds of people to wish me a happy birthday. Now, when my birthday rolls around I hear from people, who not only know when my birthday is without a FB reminder, but also who actually love and care about me. Likewise, I’ve learned that I can make a note of people’s birthdays for whom I love and care about. I use what’s called a calendar lol It hangs on my home office wall. Hipster, I know. But it works.

AUTHOR MARKETING IS SUSTAINABLE

In addition to a personal FB account, I had an author one. Whether it was cross sharing blog posts, responding to comments, or paying for an advertisement that was supposed to boost my work, I spent a lot of time online. When I deactivated, a couple of writer friends wondered how I was going to sell books without a FB presence. What helped me not worry about the how was hearing that Eddie Murphy has never used social media. Yet, somehow, he is still a successful celebrity. Now, I’m not comparing myself to Murphy. But it did make me think about the innerworkings of marketing. People know who Murphy is. When he has a movie out, he does press. Someone creates reels and posts them via social media, and we watch. So, I began to trust the idea that other people would share videos or essays via FB if that’s where I wanted them to be. So far, that’s worked. A few friends have referenced seeing me do something on Facebook, even though I’m not on there.

CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE IS AUTHENTIC

One of the biggest justifications I have heard for why people continue to use FB is that it helps them to connect. But I’ve always wondered if people are really connecting. For example, when I was on there, I did feel connected, but I’m also a very social person. I used to interact and flit around, as if I were at a perpetual online party. I used FB as an extension of my real-life relationships, not as the relationship itself. But everyone doesn’t function like that. Some like to hang out at the periphery of the party, observing everyone’s actions like daytime TV. FB is literally how some people find out what and how someone is doing. Is this connecting? I don’t know. But what I do know is that since leaving FB, I have had to make more of an effort to engage with people. It does take a lot more energy and intention to reach out and communicate, even if it’s just a text, than it does to like someone’s post about their recent announcement, vacation, or achievement. But kind of like the birthday thing, I’ve found that those who truly want to connect will, whether I have Facebook or not.

Are you on Facebook? What’s the best part for you? What parts can you let go of? Would you ever leave, and if not, why?

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