angst & other demons

i have talked about my internal family here. i have them all figured out into pairs, such as:
sensual/censor
warrior/worrier
and so on
my primary pair being: me/monster
after work yesterday, coming home to a fire going out, clothes to be washed, food to be made, etc….i turned into monster. she is actually still kind of at the wheel as i try to understand why.
here’s what i think though…as much as i do like my new job, i still resent that i have to leave the house to make money. it basically tells me that everything i do as a mom, writer, & artist is pointless
worthless
drudgery
even though it is the life i have chosen & the life i love
all that work seems to mean nothing to the outside world.
i am worthless if i don’t leave the house & do proper employment.
so, hello monster.
i’m not sure how long she will be visiting this time….