Why GYPO Lacks Recipes

Most country books include lots of recipes—they take up space and are a great place to include some “country porn” photographs of baskets brimming with fresh produce.

There are two reasons I have no recipes in Get Your Pitchfork On!:

It is already 380 pages.
I am a terrible cook.

Mike can attest to No. 2. Early in our relationship, we found ourselves at my apartment around 4:30, and I suggested we whip up some dinner. I looked in the freezer, pulled out a 12-pound turkey, and said, “We could make this?”

Around the same time I attempted to create spaghetti sauce using tomato paste (which I thought was marinara concentrate, the way one makes orange juice from concentrate), “herbs,” and soy sauce. To Mike’s credit, he continued to date me.

But, I know you recipe people are always on the lookout for a new idea! So I will share a recipe I published in The Woman’s Journal, a now-defunct Portland monthly, in 1997:

A Recipe from Kristy’s Kitchen

TUNA FISH

You will need:

1 can of tuna fish

1 can opener

1 fork

Look in refrigerator
Go to pantry
Find can of tuna fish
Open can with can opener
Drain juice in sink
Remove lid *Important*
Eat tuna fish with fork

Add crackers if you’re feeling really fancy. Et voilá! Dinner is served.