Spring 87: boot

My dearest Zann,

I just spent a couple of hours trying to throw my boot up the hole of this oubliette. It didn’t work. I can’t see well enough to know whether I just can’t throw it that far, or if the passage has a kink to it that’s blocking my throw.

I’m hungry and thirsty. I’ve heard rats in the distance, but none right in my chamber. If I can lure them in here, that’s a potential food source if I can bring myself to kill one and eat it raw. There were times in my life when I was rough enough to do that, but I don’t know if I can now. I’ve been trying to suck some water out of the trickles in the rock walls, but it’s disgusting and it doesn’t work. I don’t think I got more than a few drops.

Sleep was difficult. No matter how I tried to arrange myself, I was still lying on or against bumpy rocks. At times I couldn’t tell whether I was waking or sleeping. They looked the same and felt the same.

What was Lord Clear doing while I was down here? I didn’t imagine that he’d just give up after I spoiled his first plan. He must have a thousand ideas for crushing the people of Crideon. Who would stop him?

When you’re in the dark for that long and you’re hurt and sleepy and thirsty and troubled, you start to see things. Your mind tells you you’re seeing things in the darkness that aren’t there. What I saw was Lord Clear stalking down Council Street, a terrible sword in each hand. All of the people on the street, running from him, were cut down for him to step over. Then Ran threw a rock at his head. It cut his cheek, and Lord Clear stabbed him in the heart. Jornay shouted and charged at him, and Clear opened his throat while looking in another direction. I couldn’t stop seeing it. It was everywhere I looked, even when I closed my eyes.

I felt like I had to do something. But I couldn’t get out. I needed help. Wasn’t anyone looking for me? They must be. I called out again, “Hoy!” but it came out as a quiet croak. I grabbed the coin around my neck and shouted with all the strength I could summon, “Hoy!”

But there was no answer.

And then I really started to see things.

Love,

Ybel