Author Interview – A.M Vivian
Today, I am thrilled to be chatting to contemporary fiction author, A.M Vivian.
Helen: Welcome, and thank you so much for taking time to chat with me today. Tell us a little about your book, The Family Care.
A.M Vivian: The Family Care is my homage to Virginia Andrews. As a teen, I loved the drama and darkness of her early books, particularly the Flowers in the Attic series and My Sweet Audrina. There was something dangerous and transgressive about them that was thrilling. I always wanted to write one, putting a modern spin on her themes of forbidden love and family trauma.
In my book, Milton discovers her biological mother abandoned her by overhearing her adopted siblings arguing about whether to reveal this secret. Cameron may have orchestrated this reveal. He’s her favourite brother. Her best friend. Her prince in every story they created as children. Does he not want to be related to her anymore? Why? When they accidentally kiss she’s not too sure if it is actually an accident. At a party, she discovers alcohol and retreats further into a fantasy world where she has no problems, where she’s wanted, and where people don’t lie to her. She’s terrified her family will get rid of her if she doesn’t behave, leading to her hiding her drinking. But of course, we know alcohol is never a solution and one lie leads to another. As the story progresses, we learn more about the family trauma and explore their struggle to maintain the façade of a perfect family. Add to this the changing nature of her relationship with Cameron and eventually things snap.
Helen: Sounds extrememly emotional, with lots of dark secrets to be revealed. What were your thoughts behind your cover?
A.M Vivian: I had great fun creating the concept for this. I wanted the cover to resemble an art house DVD cover because Milton is a film buff and particularly enamoured with French new wave cinema. The picture resembles a movie reel with the frames splitting up this picture of a happy couple to reflect the dislocation between them and to show that this isn’t a happy-ever-after love story. Blue is her favourite colour and the colour of Cameron’s eyes. It also suggests heartbreak, hinting that this is a tragic love story. The title falling off the cover makes me think of a film unspooling, mirroring Milton’s life becoming messy and uncontrollable.
Helen: What made you write such a dark and tragic romance novel?
A.M Vivian: The idea came to me when I was a teen and had run out of Virginia Andrew’s books to read. This was before they started releasing the new V.C Andrew’s series with ghostwriters. I couldn’t find anything else like her, so I decided I’d write my own. I must have been about 14 or 15. I didn’t finish writing it but I had the main events, the end scene, and the title. 10 years later, I returned to the idea, writing sections as part of my degree course. Again, I didn’t get that far with it. Something was missing. I couldn’t quite capture Cameron. It was like a memory of something you tasted as a child that vanishes as soon as you try to focus on it and describe the flavour. I put aside the story and wrote The Waiting Usurper instead. Then, while travelling, the oddest thing happened. I met someone who was the perfect physical embodiment of Cameron. The way his hands moved. The way he held a group’s attention with his quiet confidence. His walk. It was so surreal. I’d been trying and trying to capture this character and there he was looking right at me, sitting beside me, talking to me. It was the strangest experience. How could I not fall ridiculously in love with him? We had a ‘situationship’, short-lived and a thing that ended messily for me, but for him, it’s probably an inconsequential footnote in his life. I thought writing this story would help get him out of my mind. A cleanse and clean if you will—better than burning old love letters. In retrospect, maybe I also wanted something good and productive to have come out of that whole painful experience.
Helen: That is such an amazing answer, that you actually met the embodiment of your character and then also had to suffer though a messy and painful ending. I’m glad you found writing him into your book, cathartic. Writing is such a good way to express yourself. When did you first realise you had a passion for writing?
A.M Vivian: I was very young, about 11 years old. At school our English teacher asked us to write a story. I don’t remember the prompt but I remember the feeling I had while writing it. It was that feeling of exhilaration you get when an aeroplane accelerates and then takes off. I remember everything else faded: the classroom, me, spelling, and grammar. I wrote reams and reams of this story, even during my lunch breaks. A whole epic series was planned out in my head, one that challenged Tolkien for word count. I was at that age where you weren’t supposed to be playing with Barbies anymore and I resented being made to grow up, wanted no part of it. Writing was a way to get around that schoolyard rule.
Helen: After such a dark and emotional novel, what are you working on next?
A.M Vivian: Depending on when this interview is published, it might be available to buy and download because I’m at the checking the proof copy stage. It’s called At 4 AM, A Shop Window. It’s an eclectic collection of short stories and poems. Some are available on my blog (publishordietrying.wordpress.com) and have been published in various small presses over the years. I also wrote some new pieces especially for this book. The collection is full of outsiders wishing for more from their monotonous lives but unable to grab the opportunities that present themselves. Instead, they find temporary solutions in devilish temptations, illusions of control, and disappointing romantic connections. There are touches of dark humour in there too, such as Barry who’s pondering why he’s been reincarnated as a battery hen. This collection shows the breadth of my writing, both in style and topic. I think it encapsulates who I am as a writer. A friend recently called me a cynical romantic and I think this collection illustrates this.
Helen: How do you write your novels? Do you plan them in detail, or let your characters take charge?
A.M Vivian: I am a pantser. That’s part of the fun for me—figuring out what the book wants to be and what the characters want to say. I don’t really know what the story is until I spend time with the characters, writing and exploring. That’s when their voices appear and I find out what their hopes and fears are. I want to disappear into their world and a plan is too much of an anchor, keeping me tethered to reality. It does mean that I write a lot that never makes it into the book. This is quite freeing because I’m not focusing on the end product and I don’t have that pressure to get it right when writing my first draft. I get to experiment. The more I play and go on meandering trails, the more excited I get about a project which helps push me through those painful slogs of editing and rewriting. However, being a pantser means that the editing and rewriting process takes longer. Much longer. I write a first draft pretty quickly but I need to let it marinate for at least 6 months so I can look at it with fresh eyes. After that, I’m doing extensive re-writes and edits. I wish I could publish my books quicker but I’m too scared my muse will desert me for someone more worthy if I force her to work in ways she doesn’t like.
Helen: We all spend a lot of time on our own, writing and editing. Do you listen to music while you write?
A.M Vivian: I love music. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses so I always listen to music when I write and edit. What I’m listening to depends on what I’m writing and what emotion or mood I’m trying to access. I try to listen to the same few albums and/or musicians when I’m working on a novel so that my brain associates these sounds with the story. This helps me get into that world quicker. It’s a shorthand way of telling my brain what we’re going to do. Sometimes, if I need a bit of an aural hug to boast my confidence and remind me why I write, then I’ll listen to Pearl Jam.
Music is such a big part of The Family Care. Cameron plays the guitar and is a music geek. It’s one of the loves they share. Within the story, I mention musicians they like and are listening to, such as Bowie, Crows, and Idles. The Maccabee’s Given To The Wild album cover makes an appearance, as does Milton’s impression of the singer’s voice. I had fun adding in these little details. It grounded the story in reality and I like to think the reader might seek out some of these songs.
Helen: Music can inspire all sorts of emotions, and it is weird how you end up listening to certain music when writing. Different albums end up on my playlist for different books. What is the best piece of writing advice you’ve recieved?
A.M Vivian: A teacher relayed this piece of advice to me during the degree programme at Bath Spa University. I didn’t catch the name of the writer or the book my teacher was referencing, unfortunately. They recommended creating separate identities for writing and editing, wearing different clothes and sitting in different places for different tasks. The writer us might be in tracksuit bottoms on the couch, dirty hair, and a food-spotted t-shirt. The Editor us will be in chinos and a crisply ironed shirt, hair tied back and sitting on a hard-backed chair at a desk. Doing this makes it easier to access the different sides of the brain. I do kind of follow a version of this—not to such an extreme level. For one thing, I’m rubbish at ironing. I do write and edit in different spaces where possible. I’ve found my kitchen a great place for editing. I think it’s important to make a clear distinction between these two tasks. Otherwise, I’d never get beyond writing that first paragraph. I like how this advice encourages me to consider and change those things I do have control over because so much about writing is out of our control and mysterious. I mean, who knows why some writing sessions are like flying and others are like wading through shitty mud?
Helen: I’ve not heard that advice before, thank you for sharing! How about writer’s block. Do you have any tricks for overcoming that obstacle?
A.M Vivian: I hate writer’s block. It’s like someone’s got hold of your arms when you’re trying to take off into a run. I need to trick my brain a little to get out of that slump. Distractions can help. (‘Look here’s an interesting documentary,’ and then bam! I’m scribbling pages in response to it.) Changing things up helps, too. For example, I sit on the floor in my front room to write because sitting at my desk feels too much like working on a report. I’m writing by hand because that feels more like playing and personal. It’s easier to switch off the critical brain away from the computer. Maybe because it’s less tempting to delete things and edit as you go along. I find the physical act of putting pen to paper quite meditative too, especially if I have a nice pen and the gods have blessed me with pretty looking writing that day. I can focus more on the act than whether what I’m writing is any good.
If I get really stuck with a novel I might decide to write something that I know won’t go into the book but is related to the story. For example, I might write about a character’s favourite toy. It’s just a way to take the pressure off, get the creative mind going, and break the curse of writer’s block. Anything is better than nothing and if I can remind myself how fun writing it is then that’s usually enough to defeat those horrible thoughts that lead to writer’s block.
Helen: Thank you so much for sharing all your great hints and tips. Hopefully they will help other writers to overcome these challenges. Just to finish, how do you address that little voice of self doubt that drags us all down?
A.M Vivian: I think the advice I mentioned before helps with this to a certain extent. When I feel this fear I go back to writing in bed where I can forget that the outside world exists. It’s just me, my pen, and my imagination, the same as it was when I first started writing. I have to switch off thinking about the market or readers, especially when writing a first draft. A lot of authors write to the market, working out what sells and hitting those tropes but I can’t because it feels too much like a bunch of people are looking over my shoulder. Annoyingly, the less I write the louder the fear becomes.
I’ve found meditation a useful way of dealing with counteracting this doubt and fear. There are some great ones on Youtube. I listen to one in the morning and then go straight into writing. Starting early in the day is another way I bypass the critic in my head, mainly because he takes longer to wake up so I can sneak in a few sentences before he’s up and pestering me. Sometimes though, I think we have to accept that we’re having a down day and give in to it. Forcing yourself to write can be counterproductive. There’s a quote from Nietzsche that I often return to when I’m in a bad mood. He wrote, ‘When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.’ Maybe I need to relax. Read a book. Watch a film. Maybe I need to eat something and get a decent sleep. Sometimes, it’s the lovely PMT saying I’m a useless piece of shit and no one will ever want to read anything I’ve written. There’s nothing wrong with taking a day off and indulging in misery. If you need permission, here it is. The danger is in letting it drag on beyond a day because then it can tip into writer’s block. If it lingers a nice bit of boxing helps—imagining I’m punching and drop-kicking my critical thoughts is a great way to release that negative energy and make me feel like a badass who can conquer anything.
About the Author
A.M VivianA.M Vivian is a British writer. She holds a degree in Creative Writing and English Literature from Bath Spa University, a masters in the Therapeutic Uses of Creative Writing from Sussex University, and another masters in Creative Writing from Cardiff University. A member of the Alliance of Independent Authors, she is passionate about self-publishing. She splits her time between writing, running a successful beta reading business (Walter’s Writing Emporium), and working in a library. If she’s not lost in fiction, then she’s at a gig, sweating and singing away her worries. You can follow her on Instagram @a_m_vivian & learn more about her books at http://www.amvivian.com
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If you enjoy fantasy books with a touch of romance then you will love SoulBreather, or my epic fantasy Sentinal series. As a new threat against Remargaren is discovered, only one man can wake the ancient guards who can protect them, only he doesn’t know how. Start the adventure and stay for the journey.
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