Using Your Anger Properly

Everyone gets angry, but not everyone manages their anger appropriately. Some people believe that the slightest inconvenience justifies a fiery response. Others believe that any display of anger is inherently sinful. Still others believe that getting angry is a right while their opposites think they should never be upset because their likability will suffer. 

The apostle Paul states that we can express ire without sinning: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:6). This isn’t easy. It takes a lot of self-control to be angry in the right way, for the right reason, and for the proper purpose. This is beyond most people’s ability if social media provides any indication. 

Most people think poor anger management results in screaming, cursing, and uncontrollable rage. In these cases, we let our anger get the best of us when we unleash our fury on someone else. But we also mismanage our anger when we do one or more of the following:

Fearing to express your anger, even in a controlled way.Expressing your anger indirectly, using gossip, being sarcastic, giving others the silent treatment, or being passive-aggressive.Allowing others to bully you.Lying awake at night, thinking about things you should have said to someone in a heated conversation.Dreaming about getting back at others who hurt you. Feeling depressed, anxious, or resentful (a result of internalizing anger).

We can be angry and even express it publicly, as long as it’s done properly. To do this, we must determine whether our anger is justified. It’s difficult to do this in the heat of the moment (see Titus 1:7; James 1:19), but we must ask ourselves the following questions:

Is there an intended offense, or is it unintentional? (Biblical anger is not reactionary.)Is an angry response justified, or is it only one of several appropriate responses? If anger is justified, to what extent or degree? What is the most appropriate way to demonstrate our anger in this situation? What is an expression of anger going to accomplish? Is our response motivated—or even tainted—by selfishness, pride, or some other sin? (Anger demands reflection.)Is the response measured, appropriate, and controlled enough to avoid an ever-escalating cycle? (A Christian’s anger should be a measured response that cannot lead to increased suffering for ourselves or others; see Proverbs 15:1; Ecclesiastes 7:9.)Is our response designed to be constructive (that is, ultimately working for the good)?  

(For further consideration, this article at Psychology Today gives some beneficial explanations of what constitutes healthy anger.)

Anger is an powerful emotion. We know that the prophets, psalmists, and other biblical writers often expressed their indignation at injustice, violence, and ungodliness—or just sin in general. Jesus gives us the perfect model of self-control, especially when we see him furious at unrighteousness (Mark 3:5). We have to remember that “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). 

We all get angry. Not all of us can do it and maintain our Christian convictions, at least not perfectly or consistently. We let it get the better of us at times. Because anger is important—and potentially destructive in both word and deed—we must learn how to use it in a way that honors God, confronts sin, demands justice, and works for the good.